Top Ten Status Updates

I was looking through my old Farcebook status updates – these were my top ten, in no particular order. Please help yourselves, and feel free to add some of your own in the comments section, I am sure to use them:

• “will be as faithful to you as a dog and come every time you whistle”
• “is bigger on the inside”
• “remembers the time you ate his goldfish”
• “wanted to unleash a deadly computer virus on you all but couldn’t master the technology – would you mind manually deleting all the important files from your hard drive please and pass this on to fifty of your friends?”
• “is why they put a warning on the box”
• “knows where you live”
• “doesn’t understand why the cat was in the bag in the first place”
• “says the first law of thermodynamics is that we don’t talk about thermodynamics”
• “is proof that ancient man mated with neanderthals”
• “bought some batteries, but they weren’t included”