Britney

So, they wanna put Mickey’s lovely little staf, Britney, down. Just cos she bit some cunt. I mean, she’s a dog, what the fuck do you expect, know what I mean? Ok, so she ‘alf tore off this fucker’s face and sunk ‘er gnashers so ‘ard into ‘is bollocks that you could’ve ‘eard ‘im screaming in Deptford. Wish I’d got it on me phone, funny as fuck, it was.

So, we go round the cop shop to sort it aht. an’ there’s this little dicksplash, Dembrow, I fink it is. ‘E’s allright though, ‘elped us shift’a load’a snuff movies last year, an’ I ain’t abaht to bubble him for this or nuffin’. I mean, you don’t fuck with a man’s trade, it ain’t respectful, know what I mean? We’re all nice ‘n’that. I ask ‘im how ‘is kids are. I know their names, their ages, wot schools they go to, wot grades they get. ‘E looks proper uneasy, know what I mean? I tell ‘im ‘ow pretty ‘is four year old Emily is.

Cunt gets the message, paperwork gets lost and sweet little Britney, ‘oo is brilliant wiv kids by the way and would kill any cunt just for looking at Mickey’s wrong, gets to live another day. You gotta ‘ave respect for life, is wot I say. Know what I mean?

more in this series

12 responses

  1. This series is better than going to the movie. I have a movie building up in my head. Introducing the staf, or could’v been a pit – just what I was waiting for. It’s brilliant.

    12.05.26 at 21.41

    • wow thank you anette – i’ve been writing them as stand-alones but i’ve been thinking of tying them together somehow – i am really flattered

      12.05.26 at 21.44

      • I know what you mean, but I think they are excellent little short stories or stand-alones. The characters tie the stories together. As a movie concept, it would make a great film collage. Every story filmed in one clip, no cutting. I don’t know why but “Shallow Grave”, you know that one? comes to my mind. Totally different story, but it has a sick underlaying agenda, it’s black, and is beautifully filmed. One of my favourite. (this one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shallow_Grave).

        12.05.26 at 22.31

        • i know and love that movie – its bleak humour, the way it shows us our true hearts and makes us shudder at ourselves and laugh too… and understand ourselves

          12.05.26 at 22.35

          • I’m not sure if it makes us understand ourselves. We’re too complicated to be understood.

            12.05.26 at 23.15

            • and that means we shouldn’t try?

              12.05.26 at 23.16

              • Yes, I truly believe that trying to understand ourselves is a waste of time. The answer is 42 for most hard things in life.

                12.05.26 at 23.41

                • i can never believe that – however recent scientific research suggests that the answer is actually 41.999997 or there abouts 🙂

                  12.05.26 at 23.43

  2. I know this is a dumb question but what is a “staf”?

    12.03.17 at 17.49

    • a staffordshire terrier – not a dumb question at all

      12.03.17 at 17.56

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