Six things to avoid on a first date

This was inspired by something I read on the wonderful Tales of a Charm City Chick.

Six things to avoid on a first date

(that have happened to me on a first date…all within the last six months)

  1. Falling asleep: for some reason this is not looked kindly upon. You might think you are just demonstrating how comfortable you feel in her prescence, but trust me, it doesn’t work. I once woke up to find my date had left! How rude is that?
  2. Proposing: again, this doesn’t seen to float a woman’s boat. I thought women liked romance. Wait until the second date would be my advice, not that I’ve ever actually had a second date.
  3. Crying uncontrollably throughout the entire evening: I thought that women liked to see a man’s sensitive side but I have failed to get my dick sucked on many occasion due to this.
  4. Laughing uncontrollably throughout the entire evening: this one is not always a disaster but try to make sure that you don’t point at her when you are laughing.
  5. Asking her if she has any hot sisters: not sure why this is often responded to with “Cheque please!” Asking her if she has any hot brothers seems to have a similar effect. The same rule can also be applied to mothers, daughters and grandmothers and particularly to pets and/or livestock.
  6. Telling her that you have been masturbating over her Farcebook profile pictures: I thought that was flattering but apparently not, not even if you provide proof by showing her the video of you doing it.

So there you have it guys. The foolproof guide to not getting your face slapped. Who knows, maybe one day one of us will get to go on that elusive second date.

36 responses

  1. Oh my gosh. I’m turning into a serial commenter. Sorry! But before I hide in shame, will you come to my next party… as the entertainment? Please???

    12.03.22 at 01.20

    • i would love to but i’m not sure i’d be that entertaining – i have been thinking of getting into stand-up tho- thank you – keep the comments coming

      12.03.22 at 10.01

  2. Ha ha, I love it! Very funny 🙂

    12.03.21 at 17.50

  3. I get your crazy side day by day..lol

    12.03.21 at 07.13

  4. Gillian Colbert

    Oh. My. God. Hilarious! I haven’t been on a date in 20 years, but I’ll be sure to remember this list if I’m single again anytime in the future!

    12.03.21 at 04.03

  5. TheOthers1

    Ahaha. Solid list.

    12.03.21 at 02.14

    • thanks – i’ve only really ever done 5 of those things if i’m honest

      12.03.21 at 16.10

  6. Hilarious!!! Thanks for the laughs.

    12.03.20 at 23.15

    • you are more than welcome

      12.03.21 at 16.11

  7. funny! You are a comedian. I love those posts you do written in that accent from across the pond.

    12.03.20 at 21.48

    • thanks – i wanna do more of them

      12.03.20 at 21.53

      • I read it out loud to my sister and sounded like an idiot – but we laughed anyway. We’re “petrol” here in California.

        12.03.20 at 22.04

        • i would like to have heard that – san fransican cockneys huh? or is it la?

          12.03.20 at 22.10

          • born & raised in East Bay – 40 minutes from SF.
            Sister said Petrol was slang for Yankees, apples & pears for stairs,

            12.03.20 at 22.19

            • petrol is what we call gasoline and apples and pears does mean stairs but i haven’t heard anyone use it since my grandparents – rhyming slang is still part of the language though: ruby murray means curry and james blunt means something too

              12.03.20 at 22.22

              • thanks – I’ll call her james blunt when she irritates me!

                12.03.20 at 22.30

                • it is customary to only use the first part of the phrase – call her a ‘james’

                  12.03.20 at 22.34

            • these days youngsters try to sound like la gangstas and everyone is mofo this and a n***** that – there is also this wonderful youth slang called jafakan where young white kids try to sound black – it is full of ironies and unwitting humour

              12.03.20 at 22.25

              • Great name. haven’t heard that slang though.

                12.03.20 at 22.37

  8. Love this. Someone cried on a first date with me. Everyone stared. I told the waiter that his mom died and we had to go, but really he had just told me that I was too good for him and he was sorry for wasting my time. It was so weird.

    12.03.20 at 21.45

    • you are too good for any man, if you ask me

      12.03.20 at 21.48

  9. junelikethemonth

    hmmmm, i do none of those of those things and i don’t tend to get that elusive second date either…although to be honest, it is usually me that turns down the second date…but none of my gents (and i use that term loosely) have done any of those either…they do way worse shit…hmmm, perhaps i should make my own list…

    12.03.20 at 21.35

    • that’d be brilliant – i wrote this as silly piece of comedy – in fact i have only ever done five of those things

      12.03.20 at 21.38

  10. Hehehe sage advice!

    12.03.20 at 21.34

    • its never failed for me

      12.03.20 at 21.38

      • You forgot one though… it’s generally considered bad form to tell someone you love them on a first date. Though… it can cause great amusement for that person for many years to come. 😛

        12.03.20 at 23.01

        • i always fall in love on a first date

          12.03.21 at 16.12

          • Aww that’s incredibly sweet… but you don’t tell the girl that on the first date I hope!

            12.03.21 at 16.14

            • of course not. i tell them the moment i meet them

              12.03.21 at 16.15

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