Archive for March, 2012

I wasn’t here

I wasn’t here today. I had to get a new laptop and it took all day to set it up. I got a bargain and bought some great pants with the money I saved, except I hadn’t saved anything, it was all money I didn’t have anyway. Someday someone will have to explain to me how the economy works. Not today though.

This evening I had dinner with dear friends. We had duck. I told their little boy that it was Donald. He didn’t think that was funny and cried. I felt bad. Once our local butcher had a sign in his window next to some rabbit carcasses, it read “Watership Down: you’ve read the book and seen the film, now eat the cast.” I thought it was hilarious. Why don’t four year olds share my sense of humour? Anyway little fella, sorry to make you cry, it wasn’t Donald, it was Huey.

I will be back tomorrow with some properly thought out shit.

I fell in love today

I fell in love today. She is beautiful and even though we have just met, I know we will be together for a long time and spend almost every waking hour together. She is slim and fast and bright and shiny and I cannot keep my hands off her. Just looking at her makes me stiff. I keep stroking her and feeling her soft curves, and every time  a mite of dust lands on her I have to brush it away. I had to pay for her, which makes me sad, and she is red even though I was looking for a black one, but colour doesn’t matter when it comes to affairs of the heart. Her name is HP Pavilon G6 and she is my new laptop and I love her.


I will be
as faithful as a puppy
and come
every time you whistle.


My laptop died today. She had been ill for sometime but this morning at 11:38 she passed peacefully away. She was four and a half years old (which is 127 in laptop years).

She was Windows Vista and we didn’t always get along, sometimes she infuriated me. She could be a bit slow and wasn’t always very bright but I loved her. All my friends lived inside her. The woman I love lived inside her.

She had a wonderfully non-judgemental character. There were images and videos on her hard drive that would make a porn star blush, but she never uttered a word.

She will be dearly missed. Well, until I get a new one tomorrow.

she wasn't really an apple, i just put a sticker on her so i could look like a real dick

Conquer stress with tea

Working with other people can be very stressful.
I find that tea helps.
I make it in a big mug, piping hot, milk, no sugar.
Then I pour it into the lap of whoever has been pissing me off.

A Sunday haiku showdown

Earlier in the week, the wonderful tales of a charm city chick responded to a haiku I had written, in the comments section, with another haiku. I thought it was such a clever and brilliant idea that I thought I’d have a go at it myself. The result was this wonderful to and fro between me and the fantastic Reality in Progress:

from the love I have
through the pain I will embrace
to the life I want

i love this poem
it is so very clever
please write another

my body was weak
replying was put on hold
i had to get food

i understand you
we all need some nourishment
it was worth the wait

happily admit
this poetry geekery
is making me laugh

it makes me laugh too
poetry can be such fun
and good for the soul

who would have known that
until experiencing
expression in short

i find it a thrill
to squeeze my words so tightly
into such a form

i really agree
maybe the future will be
one-word poetry

i like that idea
let me have a go at it
here is my word – poem

truly love your word
for me another one though
‘love’ my word will be

your word is so sweet
and i find myself thinking
our words are the same

maybe all words are
same reflection of a truth
we find in all hearts.

Not tonight

it is hard to see the stars in london most nights.
not tonight.

tonight, the sky is naked.
a giant letter L hangs in the west,
formed from jupiter, venus and a sharp full moon.
i wish you could see it.

i have cried a lot of late,
good tears,
each one like a star, bright and precious
against the dark and cold of the sky.

shuffle played this as i stared up at it:

people think its a sad song,
it is a song of hope and friendship.
my life is full of both right now.

Ten things

Every day I write a list
Of 10 useful things I want to do.
If, at the end of the day,
I have not achieved them all,
I throw the list away
And write another list
Of 10 useless things I did that day.

Know your ABCs…

I saw this post and it gave me this idea:

Asshole at times,
Beautiful at others.
Cranky now and then but a
Dreamer always.

Extrovert mostly,
Fucktard occasionally,
Googles himself regularly and
Hurtful when in pain.

Idealistic to a fault, the
Joker of the pack.
Kyle –
Likes to think he’s a lover not a fighter –

Naughty like the best,
Optimist with the rest,
Poor of pocket and
Questioning of everything, but
Rich with friends.

Slut when he can be and
Toasted when he shouldn’t be.
Undervalued by himself, a
Victorious loser.

Wanker for ever,
Xylophone player never,
Yesterday’s hero? who knows?
Zeds? maybe? but when he’s dead.

A spliff in the park

Its spring here today. Its warm again. I sat under a tree in the park and smoked a spliff. The tree was covered in a cloud of pink flowers that rained petals and I wondered if trees could be gay and concluded that this one probably was, at least during the spring. I told a  jogger that she had the most amazing pink shoelaces I had ever seen. I wanted to tell her how badly she needed to invest in a good sports bra, but I didn’t and I am as ashamed of not saying that as I am proud. I wondered if the fact that I find mixed-race couples really cute made me a racist and concluded that it probably did. I saw 47 cleavages. I watched a juggler that couldn’t juggle and a painter that couldn’t paint, a woman walked past me that had a butt so cute, that I wanted to both juggle with it and paint it. I checked my phone and found that God had accepted my friend request and was also following my blog. I shared a cup of tea with a woman who smelled of cider and an ice cream with a duck that kept giving me funny looks and tried to bite me when I got up to leave.