Missing

Mr Mew has gone missing.

From the note he left, we believe he has been abducted by aliens; the note read “help! i am being abducted by aliens!”

My name is Ertha Bucket and I have been hired as a temp to maintain this, so called, weblog during Kyle’s absence and probable recuperation.

Let me tell you something, there are going to be a lot of changes round here. I’ve read your about page Mr Mew, and I know full well why you type in lower case, and let me say that I think it is disgusting. There will be plenty of capitalisation while I am in charge, and there will be NO MASTURBATING WHATSOEVER and that goes for you, the reader, too. If you want to condemn yourself to hell, then you can find somewhere else to continue your sorry, depraved journey. I have never so much as even  touched myself below my own navel and when I once caught a glance (accidentally) of my own vagina in a mirror, I was almost sick.

I will be posting pictures of cute kittens with funny captions and maybe some recipes on how to make decent marmalade and probably some morally enhancing passages from The Bible.

I have been asked to look through Mr Mew’s recent drafts and post anything I find there. I will of course censor it and remove any profanities and sexual content that is any more explicit than kissing, between married couples, and I have to say I find that rather filthy, but I do try to be modern.

Thank you for visiting this weblog, please continue to do so, and I will do my very best to keep you all thoroughly entertained. I am now going to have a look at your weblogs. I am sure that they are all very sweet and uplifting and not like some of the perverted debauchery I have found here or on Mr Mew’s laptop computer today when I opened a folder who’s title I had misread and had thought it was called ‘Prom’, expecting to see romantic pictures of him and his childhood sweetheart.

Take care everyone. It is delightful to meet you all and I am glad to make your acquaintances.

Yours, most terribly sincerely,

Mrs. E. Bucket.

14 responses

  1. hehe Iove this.

    12.04.17 at 14.49

  2. junelikethemonth

    Too fucking funny…and oh, mrs ertha? I am so touching myself right now as I type this…what are you gonna do about it?

    12.04.17 at 04.05

    • Oh my! I will pray for you dear.

      12.04.17 at 11.28

  3. Dear Mrs. Bucket,
    Will you tell Kyle, when he contacts you, (yes he will) that he is missed and if those aliens are cute, could he send some alien sex photos. So. What kind of planet are you from Mrs. Bucket?

    12.04.17 at 02.31

    • Thank you dear, you were quite right Mr Mew did contact me, via text message, although I did not understand much of what he said.

      12.04.17 at 11.25

      • It’s a code. You’ll have to decipher. Any of Grahams books will do.

        12.04.17 at 14.19

  4. Mrs. Bucket I am sure you have been through quite a shock. No one will hold it against you if you find yourself peeking at Kyle’s collection of “flash” fiction. Maybe you could learn something! Think of it as an educational experience.

    12.04.16 at 23.54

    • Why thank you Miss Lindau. It has certainly been quite an eye opener.

      12.04.17 at 00.08

  5. Bring back the Mew!

    12.04.16 at 23.09

    • Dear Ms Miller,
      We are attempting to locate Mr Mew. Unfortunately, I have been taken ill and have had to report to my physician; not long after reading Mr Mew’s insane scribblings I experienced a wholly unnatural tingling between my legs and have had to take the rest of the day off sick.
      Thank you for your concerns.
      Your friend, Ertha.

      12.04.16 at 23.26

      • That’s happened to the best of us…

        12.04.16 at 23.29

        • Thank you for your encouraging words of support Jenni. It has certainly never happened to me before. Now, if you don’t mind, I think I need a little lie down.
          Goodnight to you my dear.
          Ertha.

          12.04.16 at 23.39

  6. Mrs Bucket needs to get laid! hahahahahahaha!

    12.04.16 at 22.28

    • I certainly do not young lady, how dare you suggest such a thing. i am totally appalled, although slightly curious

      12.04.16 at 23.00

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