I’ve been wondering something of late: why is it that men like to come on women’s faces so much? Now, don’t get me wrong, I like to splatter a platter along with the rest, but a lot of women I know do not find the idea quite as alluring, and even offering to lick it off is rarely met with a response of “Ooh, yes please!”

So, purely in the interest of science, I decided to conduct a little experiment and give myself a facial and now that I have, I think I can see why a gobfull of goo is not actually very sexy, not when you are on the receiving end, not to mention that getting it in your eye stings like buggery (not that I know what buggery feels like, in case your reading this Mum). Now, nothing makes this dick droop more than a look of disgust on a gal’s face. So why are we (men) so keen to give you (women) a covering of cum?

At first I thought it was symbolic thing, like men wanting to have big dicks, a sign of our fertility, or something, but I don’t think that’s it. Sadly I think its nothing that poetic, I think its more like a dog marking its territory, a kind of ownership thing, and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, although that may just be my own semen.

Not only is it possessive and therefore degrading to women, I think it is even darker than that. This whole facial thing is perpetuated by the porn industry, which is directed mostly at men (even if their squirting squigglies are directed at women) and it encourages men, particularly those of an impressionable age, to see women as objects and so plays along with the whole ‘rape culture’ that porn so often seems to revel in. So think twice guys next time before you jiz in her viz, try my little experiment and find out what it feels like first.

20 responses

  1. Women perpetuate this just as much as the porn industry. I have personally never told a guy he couldn’t “jiz in my viz” as you so eloquently put it, but once you’ve gotten an eye full, a nose full, or an ear (yep. Never turn your back on a wanker) full, it does start to get old. Next time I may bring a water pistol to bed with me — squirt him like you would a Tom cat marking his territory on your sofa.

    12.04.20 at 21.33

    • but this is the saddest, the porn industry has left women feeling that they must somehow comply with this.
      have him come in his own face (or get one of his mates to do it) and then ask him if he still wants to spunk on your spitter.
      thanks for commenting phuk

      12.04.20 at 22.14

  2. Though… I have heard it said that it’s an amazing moisturizer… just saying.

    12.04.19 at 12.41

    • i take it all back – go on boys, blow your muck all over her

      12.04.19 at 12.44

  3. …it’s great eye makeup remover though.

    Yours truly,

    12.04.19 at 12.23

    • haha – you learn something every day


      12.04.19 at 12.44

  4. Bahahahaha…you just crack my ass UP!!!

    12.04.19 at 03.24

    • thanks, glad i do

      12.04.19 at 11.11

  5. Thanks for writing this Kyle. I think your “marking territory” theory is spot on. But marking territory isn’t necessarily wrong.

    12.04.19 at 02.10

    • you could be right, it like when my ex had me branded i suppose

      12.04.19 at 11.10

      • branded… cute.
        She leaves red lipstick marks on your face, decides you need a new haircut and for birthday she gives you a polyester cardigan.

        12.04.19 at 12.17

  6. King Kyle. Master of the sexy wise.

    12.04.19 at 00.41

    • thank you queen jenni

      12.04.19 at 01.45

  7. junelikethemonth

    I have to say kyle, at first I was super surprised that this came from you…but then I thought about it, and even though your mind and writing is smut filled;you always give respect and power to the women featured in your pieces…
    So bravo for standing up for us…

    12.04.18 at 20.36

    • thanks
      i get round it anyway, i just print out all your gravatar pics and come on them 🙂

      hahaha, you should read the one i’m about to post

      12.04.18 at 20.40

  8. clownonfire

    Dude, you really made me laugh out loud with this one. You’re awesome man!
    Le Clown

    12.04.18 at 18.22

    • thank you my friend – glad it hit the spot

      12.04.18 at 18.23

      • clownonfire

        You will have also note that I have avoided to answer the question. Le Clown is skilful this way (my English is struggling today, please forgive my Frenglish).
        Le Clever Clown

        12.04.18 at 18.29

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