How to write clit lit

Erotic writing for women is all the rage these days, and having turned my hand to the odd dirty ditty or two in my time, I thought I’d share a few thoughts on the subject. Bearing in mind that you are writing to suit female fantasies rather than male fantasies, here are my top ten tips on how to get those pussies purring.

  1. NEVER USE EUPHEMISMS: Women hate anything subtle or clever, so never use phrases like ‘inner depths’ or ‘glowing wetness’. Call a cunt a cunt, and by the way, women love that word, so try to use the word ‘cunt’ as often as you can.
  2. NEVER INVOLVE ROMANCE: You are writing about sex not a bloody love story, so keep it that way. Women have no interest in feelings or emotions and romance turns them right off, so never have any hand holding or have your characters gaze into each other’s eyes. Never, ever have them be in love, the words ‘I love you’ will make her cunt as dry as the Australian outback.
  3. AVOID DIALOGUE: Women do not get off on words, so do not have your characters engage in conversation, unless its the occasional “Yeah, you like that bitch, don’t ya?” or a “Fucking take that, bitch!”
  4. USE PICTURES: As already mentioned, women are not aroused by words or ideas and are primarily visual, so add lots of pictures. Massive, cum drenched cocks and gigantic artificial boobs are guaranteed to get them hot, especially if the boobs are dripping with a ridiculous amount of thick white semen.
  5. AVOID POWERFUL WOMEN: Women do not like stories where the girl is in charge or has any power or deserves any respect. Wherever possible make sure your female characters are fucked by their bosses or some authoritative figure.
  6. TALK ABOUT COCK A LOT: Women have little interest in their own bodies or pleasure, so describe your male characters’ pricks in great detail and always make them infeasibly large and concentrate on his orgasm, not hers.
  7. AVOID CUNNILINGUS: No woman wants to read about how a man would go down on her, that stuff disgusts them.
  8. INCLUDE LOTS OF BLOW JOBS: Blow jobs are a guaranteed pantie wetter, so write about these in great detail. Most women would much rather choke on an unwashed cock than be fucked or eaten out.
  9. AVOID THREESOMES: Unless it is a FFM threesome avoid such scenarios. No woman has ever wanted more than one man at a time.
  10. INCLUDE LOTS OF GIRL ON GIRL ACTION: If you want to show your softer side, then you are probably gay, but if not, write about hot girl on girl action. Include as many women as you can, preferably covered in oil or mud and having them fight each other is another way to get your female readers wet. Note: cunnilingus is acceptable is such scenarios.

So there you have it. Ten certain ways to get the girls dribbling in their knickers. Have fun, and I look forward to reading the end results.

46 responses

  1. I’m awarding you the clitlit award for your outstanding services. Let me get working on that right now.

    12.10.18 at 17.16

    • why thank you, i hope i get to knell and do the clitlick as i receive such a prestigious honour

      12.10.18 at 19.24

  2. gemini

    oops i meant male!

    12.10.18 at 02.59

    • hehe – in my experience men aren’t as in to erotica as women

      12.10.18 at 05.49

      • gemini

        I think men prefer visual stimulation! In a word Porn!

        I like both 😉

        12.10.18 at 08.36

        • yeah its not an all men or all women thing at all but in general you’re right
          glad to hear it 😉

          12.10.18 at 08.37

          • gemini

            just keep that between you and me though shhhh! 😉

            12.10.18 at 08.47

  3. gemini

    lol..you are so funny. I’d be interested to hear your advice on make erotica then! 😉

    12.10.18 at 02.59

  4. Kyle, as always, u made me laugh and smile…

    12.04.20 at 06.08

    • good, because that is exactly what i want to do

      12.04.20 at 10.11

  5. Ah Kyle you tease me so….

    12.04.19 at 19.18

    • i really hope so

      12.04.19 at 19.57

  6. My reaction to this was “yeaaah!!! this guy gets it!!!” until I got to #6. Well, I’m a bit different than your average gal, I suppose.

    12.04.19 at 17.29

    • haha you sure are – it was always meant to be a bit of a teaser lol

      12.04.19 at 17.32

  7. As usual, I’ve got a gigantic grin on my face as I read your words… bloody brilliant darlin.

    12.04.19 at 12.45

    • thank you – an honour to make you grin

      12.04.19 at 12.50

  8. Kyle…What is up with number nine? For real…no mmmmfm?

    12.04.19 at 03.22

    • no mmmmfm is fine, as long as you’re the f

      12.04.19 at 11.11

      • I was only kidding…mostly : ). But mfm is sexy!

        12.04.19 at 12.52

        • i know and i agree

          12.04.19 at 12.53

  9. 😉

    12.04.19 at 02.26

  10. hmmmm wonder wjy I am anonymous in my comment,
    guess I was blowing my grandma librarian image LOLs

    now it is me ..)0(

    12.04.18 at 23.37

  11. Anonymous

    well darn all this time I have been putting blow jobs and threesomes with powerful women in ..
    I was all wrong!
    Thanks for the tips Kyle…I know better now LOLs

    great read…..

    )0(
    maryrose

    12.04.18 at 23.32

    • glad to be able to set you straight LOL

      12.04.18 at 23.36

  12. I need to take some serious notes!!!! LOL

    12.04.18 at 21.42

    • yes, learn from the master
      master bator that is
      LOL
      glad i made you smile

      12.04.18 at 21.44

  13. clit lit wizard you.

    12.04.18 at 21.21

    • thank you kindly

      12.04.18 at 21.28

  14. You know Kyle I’m all about the visual when it comes to sex. I like porn for the most part. But if I’m reading it, I like the graphic kind. I’m not a “normal” woman, I don’t think. I don’t like erotica at all. I don’t get it. Give me full descriptions about throbbing man meat and use the word cock a lot. It works wonders for me. Ha!

    12.04.18 at 21.19

    • we are all different – and there is certainly a lot of cross-over when it comes to the male/female fantasy thing – i think i am the other way and like a lot of feeling and kissing and stuff – nevertheless i will endeavour to include a lot of throbbing cocks in any future works – thanks for sharing, you certainly got my man meat throbbing

      12.04.18 at 21.28

      • Hahahahahaha Kyle you tickle me. I’m all about kissing and stuff but I like the graphic parts too. Keep it up. Giggle!

        12.04.18 at 21.30

        • hahaha – cheeky

          12.04.18 at 21.31

  15. ok, I’m off now to start my new novel, with your tips I’m sure to make it big 😀 brilliant post…

    12.04.18 at 21.18

    • you are almost certain to make it big
      hee hee, she said ‘big’

      12.04.18 at 21.21

  16. You are clearly a man, using a man,s mind! This post is too funny!

    12.04.18 at 21.13

    • well thank you – i hope no one takes it seriously hahaha

      12.04.18 at 21.21

  17. junelikethemonth

    Omg kyle, I thought you were serious til number 5, then they just got ridiculous…lmao

    12.04.18 at 21.12

    • haha – glad i got ya with it lol

      12.04.18 at 21.20

  18. gypsy116

    I fucking love you dude, you always make me smile 🙂

    12.04.18 at 21.10

    • it is my goal in life 😀

      12.04.18 at 21.10

      • gypsy116

        its a good goal, for sure, 🙂

        12.04.18 at 21.11

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