You know you’re from London when:

  • You are angry that you can’t get a haircut at three in the morning.
  • You can buy weed more easily than you can milk or eggs.
  • You can buy crack more easily than you can buy weed.
  • You come home from the shops without noticing that its Christmas day until you turn the TV on.
  • You learn how to do fractions as a child by buying eighths and sixteenths of hash in the school yard.
  • You don’t understand why people from other places walk so slowly.
  • You think that waiting more than a minute for a bus is an outrage.
  • You are baffled by how out of towners could possibly get lost in London.
  • The only countryside you need is on the TV.
  • You are polite to tourists when they ask for directions but always send them in the wrong direction.
  • You know its monday morning because only half the people you meet are drunk.
  • You support tube strikes but you fight old ladies to get on that replacement bus.
  • You think smiling should be made illegal in public.
  • You don’t even notice when white kids call other white kids ‘nigger’.
  • You think talking to strangers is a sign of mental illness.
  • You think people who do not dress in grey or black should be executed.
  • You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multiligual.
  • You have no idea where Buckingham Palace is.
  • You eat take outs from 15 different cultures and never have to travel more than a quarter of a mile.
  • You’ve never been on the London Eye.
  • You think 2 AM is way too early for a supermarket to close.
  • You don’t understand why tourists stare at some buildings or why they are taking photographs.
  • When you have Biryani for breakfast.
  • You want to kill people who call Angel, The Angel.
  • The police only ever stop and search you when you’re with your black mates.

inspired by this post from the awesome snarkysnatch

18 responses

  1. so many things that are true here but for me “You don’t understand why people from other places walk so slowly.” is soooo bloody true, slow buggers everywhere else… πŸ™‚

    12.05.10 at 07.17

  2. Hey – aren’t you supposed to be working?! ( Who am I – your mutha? No – just a follower enjoying wine while reading the interesting lives of others! ) I for one am glad you can amuse AND produce at the same time.

    12.05.10 at 06.53

  3. TheOthers1

    I’d love to go back. I found the city to be quite interesting and didn’t see nearly enough of it. Oh, and I nominated you for a sexy blogger award. No obligation to go anything with it. Just know I enjoy your writing.

    12.05.10 at 02.46

  4. Check your spam file since I ended up in there only moments ago…..

    12.05.10 at 02.04

  5. I was there for 24 hours once and I can’t wait to do a meetup with you and other “mates” this fall. I will be sure to wear black, walk fast,, but it will be really hard for me to avoid talking to strangers since I am originally from the Midwest.
    This should be Freshly Pressed!

    12.05.10 at 01.42

    • thank you susie – can’t wait either

      12.05.14 at 10.15

  6. SweetP

    Been there many times, brought back memories, now I’m not so sure I want my 25 yr old to go back there this summer! LOL

    12.05.09 at 23.46

    • aw its not so bad

      12.05.14 at 10.15

  7. You know this sounds a lot like New York City to me!

    12.05.09 at 23.37

    • twin fucken cities

      12.05.09 at 23.47

  8. HAHA, I miss you, London. Everything. I loved it so much. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it, too.

    12.05.09 at 23.16

    • i’m glad to hear that lauren

      12.05.09 at 23.22

  9. Wow. London Sounds AMAZING!
    You Buyin’ My Ticket, Dude???
    Or Should You Just Send Me The Crack That’s Likely Easier To Get??? πŸ˜‰
    You Crack Me Up, Dude, Fo SHO.
    Pun Mildly Intended, Of Course. =)

    12.05.09 at 23.13

    • you must visit then – everybody loves london – but the natives love it the most

      12.05.09 at 23.16

      • I Haven’t Been On An Airplane Since The Week BEFORE 9/11. Not That I’m Worried About Being Blown-Up…
        …I Just Hate Flying, And Haven’t Had An Excuse To Do So Since. πŸ˜‰

        12.05.09 at 23.23

      • If I DID Fly There…
        …Would I Get The Couch?
        Or Would I Just Have To Make A Pallet On The Floor???
        I Don’t Sleep Much Anyway, So It Wouldn’t Matter To Me Either Way hahahahaha

        12.05.09 at 23.24

  10. eroticexploration

    Oh Kyle, I needed a laugh right now more than I’ve needed one in a long time (or a hug, but I guess laugh will do), and you have provided… you are thus my new hero! Having lived in London for 7 years now, I am shocked at how accurate many of these are in my experience of Londoners (and, of course, I have started to turn native in a few ways over the years!) πŸ™‚

    12.05.09 at 23.12

    • seven years? that makes you a proper londoner then

      12.05.09 at 23.15

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