My mate Karl is an ass. He’s sexist and racist and a homophobe. He is, in fact, an all round bigot. He works in what he refers to as ‘security’: what he means is that he throws drunks out of clubs for a living.

He refuses, point blank to go down on a woman, he says its disgusting. Wait though, it get’s worse, because although he won’t perform cunnilingus, he’s quite happy to recieve a blow job. Sometimes I want to slap him, but he is three times my size. And, it gets worse still; if a woman has sucked his dick, he won’t kiss her afterwards.

We get high together, a lot, and we play video games. We play Tekken and he has beaten me 823 times. I have beaten him 12 times, but I have enjoyed every one of those victories more than he has his, and he refuses to play me at chess, ever again, checkers and tic-tac-toe too.

I was a bit worried about posting about him and using his real name, but then I remembered, he thinks reading is gay.

Why am I his friend? Because we’ve lived round the corner from each other for 20 years, I guess, and we support the same football team. Mostly though, because he is always happy to see me and always greets me with the biggest, most genuine smile that you could ever wish to get.

14 responses

  1. Truth is that, that special friend, the person you see every day, the familiar face that brings a smile on your face, on good days, and as well on bad days, the person that is always there, is not necessarily a person you share opinions and values with. Asses have hearts too.

    12.05.19 at 02.05

  2. TemptingSweets99

    even sexist, racist-homophobes need friends, I suppose.

    12.05.16 at 21.13

    • i suppose they do – thanks honey

      12.05.16 at 21.18

  3. People always have good and bad sides…some worse than others LOL But hey, feel lucky you’re not a woman and therefore you’ll never have to deal with that side of him 😛 Next time you’re commenting about oral sex with him, though, let him know that any woman who won’t be kissed after sucking him will be more than happy to run away from him as fast as she can, because if he’s disgusted by his own sex, it’s probably because he knows he doesn’t wash it so well and/or he’s been putting it into inappropriate, not very trustworthy holes 😛 hahahhaha As for not retributing…I’m sure girls run away from that type of guy, too. He’ll think of that eventually, when he gets dumped and dumped again and again and ends up lonely playing video games with you, if you’re still so patient with him by then 😛

    12.05.16 at 20.42

    • aw, i feel that i have not done him justice now – although… he has been dumped over and over – haven’t lost patience with him yet (apart from always) so i doubt i will – thanks for your comment

      12.05.17 at 20.47

  4. I know someone like that too. These types of people always have some redeeming qualities that keep us around.

    12.05.16 at 19.40

  5. Rob

    Wonderful: it’s good that you can choose your own friends but do you think you could educate him for the benefit of the rest of us who have to share this planet with him?

    12.05.16 at 19.35

    • believe me, we’ve tried

      12.05.16 at 19.36

  6. Really great. So very layered. I’m I’m okay with Karl saying I’m gay for writing that.

    12.05.16 at 17.47

  7. Strangely enough, this is very touching.

    12.05.16 at 17.13

    • haha – i guess it is – thanks

      12.05.16 at 17.20

  8. heeeeee~Karl’s virtue,Karl’s sweet ,and karl’s heart of a pouring…

    12.05.16 at 16.42

    • i guess it is 🙂

      12.05.16 at 17.43

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