I don’t do awards

I don’t do the blog award thing any more. I did some maths and it turns out, with over seventy-two-million WordPress blogs, that if one blogger nominates seven other bloggers, and so on, then within three months, we will have all been nominated 715 times. There is something of the chain letter about this that I don’t like.

Now don’t get me Β wrong, I feel so very flattered, when someone nominates me for a blogger award. I love to have my ego stroked, although, if I’m honest, I prefer to have my ego sucked, and then licked clean while I watch you stroke your ego.

Now, I swear I will never do this again, but the wonderful Bird, of some site somewhere, nominated me for the “Some bloody Award or Whatever” award, and just because she is so awesome, I will respond… Ok the rules are, I have to say seven things about me and then nominate some other bloggers or some such shit. Ok…

Shit about me:

  1. You already know all there is to know about me.
  2. I write books on how to write apps for smartphones, but can’t operate my own.
  3. I really do masturbate over your gravatar pics (some I laminate, so I can reuse them).
  4. I don’t understand why WordPress thinks that “blog” and “bloggers” are spelling mistakes but “bloogers” isn’t.
  5. I don’t really know how to write – I just blag it Β – I failed my English O Level, I was high on mushrooms.
  6. I am crap. at; punctuation.
  7. There are a lot of great authors that I’ve never read.
  8. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19.
  9. I’ve been making up for it ever since.
  10. I don’t care for the number seven.
  11. I wanna make you laugh
  12. and cry
  13. and sing and dance
  14. and come
  15. over and over again.

I’m Β not gonna nominate anyone. I would like to, but I never actually read the shit you folk write. Nevertheless, I want o give a shout out to two fantastic blogs:

She Shine On: fantastic, sexy and clever poetry.

Diirrty: naughty and witty and raw and, well, dirty.

Read them, follow them and love them, or I will have you killed.

Something sad happened tonight, I lost someone – a friend of mine’s dicksplash husband got them so in debt that she had her phone and internet cut off. I will miss her and I felt like not blogging at all… but life goes on, eh?

This post is for her x

20 responses

  1. I don’t do awards either, and I also am flattered and appreciate getting nominated. All I do is say thank you because the whole process to me looks too difficult haha (I’m a bit thick) and I think the best thing one can do for fellow bloggers is read and comment on their posts. I try to leave comments when I can.That being said a lot of people, especially you Kyle, deserve the award!!! πŸ™‚

    12.05.18 at 22.56

    • well i guess i will have to nominate you now, for the best commentator award – now pass it on to 136 of your favourite bloggers πŸ˜€

      12.05.18 at 23.00

  2. TemptingSweets99

    congrats on your award, even though you don’t do them. πŸ™‚

    12.05.18 at 05.50

  3. I nominate you for the Upfront and Direct Smart Ass Award. It’s only given to those with courage to speak their mind first instead of speaking crumpled and diluted words that have no chance to offend but every chance to be misunderstood. …crowd applauds wildly with a standing ovation!!

    12.05.18 at 00.55

    • aw bless you jayne – you are too sweet

      12.05.18 at 09.52

  4. gypsy116

    Im not a fan of the number 7 either, and I thought I was the only one who masturbates to peoples gravatars πŸ™‚ Thanks for making me laugh πŸ™‚

    12.05.18 at 00.43

    • hey if you’re masturbating to my gravatar, then that’s bound to make you laugh πŸ™‚

      12.05.18 at 00.45

      • gypsy116

        lol πŸ™‚

        12.05.18 at 00.50

  5. I truly might be somewhat in love with you. Seriously… πŸ™‚

    12.05.18 at 00.19

    • wow bird – that’s twice in two days you’ve made me blush – i won’t tell you what else you do to me, or how often, but if you carry on like that, you’ll have me falling for you too πŸ˜‰

      12.05.18 at 00.26

      • LOL!! Yes. Let’s stay somewhat mysterious for one another, cool?

        12.05.18 at 00.29

  6. You are fantastic, sexy and clever!

    12.05.17 at 23.20

    • well that makes two of us

      12.05.17 at 23.21

  7. Cheers for the shout out Kyle. I am with you on a few things. I don’t do awards. I use punctuation selectively, e.e.cummins stylin’. I almost failed English. Ok, no, I did. 48 is fail right? But 7 is my favourite number. And I don’t masturbate of other bloggers avatars, they masturbate over mine. Peace n love!

    12.05.17 at 23.17

    • i am heartbroken that you you don’t wank over my image – its put me right off wanking over yours…. well maybe
      e e you said ‘cumming’

      12.05.17 at 23.19


      12.05.18 at 00.19

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