Archive for July, 2012

Some award or other

thank you audrina of audrina1759’s blog and Maarit-Johanna of history of the ancient world for nominating me for some award or other. normally i don’t do the award thing but i’m so flattered to be nominated by these women, as their blogs are just wonderful, that i will make an exception.

the rules are as follows:

  • tell seven things about yourself
  • nominate 487 other bloggers
  • that’s it, i think

seven things about me:

  1. i haven’t had sex since february
  2. i haven’t had coffee since 9:30
  3. i fantasise about posting pictures of my dick on this blog but have never had the guts
  4. i know how to measure the speed of light with a microwave and some proccessed cheese
  5. i am going to masturbate to the gravatar pictures of anyone who likes or comments on this post – you have been warned
  6. minds turn me on more than bodies
  7. i sneezed so hard this morning that my glasses flew off and landed in the toilet bowl
  8. an ex once super-glued my hand to my cock in my sleep
  9. i have only recently learned that women get sexier and more beautiful as they get older
  10. i can’t count to seven
  11. three of these things are not true (but this might be one of them)

nominations:
i’m afraid i can’t nominate anyone as i never actually read any of the shite you guys write.

from now on i will only be accepting nominations for awards if they come accompanied by pictures of the nominee’s bare breasts or cum drenched pricks – ideally both.

thank you again to audrina1759 and Maarit-Johanna for nominating me, and if you do not already follow these girls, do so now, or i will have you killed.


Chopping board

you are hard at work, in the kitchen, doing something on the chopping board. i don’t care what it is, i’m feeling horny and come up behind you and hold you, my hands cupping your breasts, my stiffie pressing into your back. “not now!” you tell me sharply, “i’m busy!” i don’t give a fuck, and i push my right hand down between your legs.
“c’mon love,” i implore, “just a quickie?” you spin round and glare at me. i ignore you and pull at your skirt, wanting to feel between your legs. you brush my hand away roughly and tell me to
“fucking grow up!” i slip my hand up inside your tee, grabbing a breast and ask, in my sweetest voice, for “a quick hand-job?” this seems to excite you and you smile and i feel your nipples stiffen and i grin back at you. if i had paid more attention, i would have seen that what you were chopping was half a dozen or so hot red chilli peppers, the burning juices of which now coat your fingers.

“you want me to wank you off?” you ask cheekily, and i nod like a demented puppy and grin. “what, right this minute?” you check. a question that is met by more enthusiastic nodding. you look down and i obediently drop my pants. i love the way you smile as you grab hold of my twitching prick and start to stroke generously up and down its whole length. you trace delicate little circles around and all over the head with the tips of the fingers of your other hand, which feels fantastic, and even more tingly than usual. you fondle my balls and even push the tip of your pinkie into my butt, you know how i like that. the mischievous look in your eyes makes it so much better.

then the heat hits me and i gasp in pain and you giggle. you answer the desperate questioning in my eyes by glancing over your shoulder at the pile of red chilli peppers on the chopping board. my eyes follow yours, widening in realisation as they do. i try to pull away but you keep hold of me for a second or two and kiss me. then you let go and i hop from one foot to the other, letting out little agonised whimpers, unsure what to do, pain scorching me from the tip of my dick to my ass. you laugh so hard that you can barely cross the kitchen to the freezer and find me a bag of frozen peas.

you are still laughing as you wash your hands and go back to preparing the meal.


Find me another

You stand, backlit by a street lamp, in the doorway of a bar, taking in the heavy scent of liquor and testosterone, your eyes darting greedily across the scene before you. You need a man. Two dozen or so, line an L-shaped counter, forming a cacophony of rattling laughter and glass. Almost immediately you spot three likely candidates, and having visited two bars already without luck, you are growing impatient. Almost randomly you pick the tall, tattooed guy, with carefully messed-up black hair and a Guinness. Using his savage but delicate body art as a way to open the conversation, it takes you just over three minutes for you to get to the point; does he want to fuck you? The twitch in his pants makes his eagerness evident, and you are impressed with the cool composure of his response. “Sure, why not?” he barely smiles as he pays his tab and slings a battered leather jacket over his shoulder.
“My husband will be watching,” you tell him as you both make your way to the door, “that okay?”
“Fine by me,” he shrugs, “as long as I don’t have to touch his cock.”
“Don’t worry fella,” you reassure him with a smile, “the only thing you’ll be touching, is me.”

I feel my erection begin to grow, the moment I hear you both enter the house, and by the time you walk into the bedroom I am at full mast. He looks bemused but not phased as he stares at me, tied firmly to the wooden chair, with two dozen leather straps, unable to even wriggle, black ball gag in my mouth. He glances down briefly at my twitching member and then turns to you and you kiss. Almost frantically, you undress each other, tasting each other’s bare flesh hungrily as it becomes exposed, and once naked, he throws you roughly onto the bed and buries his head between your legs. You have been wet all night and your thighs glisten as he begins to lap thirstily at you, his fingers digging into your butt, your hips pushing fiercely into his face.

You turn your head to look straight at me, letting me see the pleasure on your face, telling me how good it feels and how good he is. My cock throbs with desire, in time to the animal thrusting of your hips, drawing desperate moans from deep within me, echoing those that you and he are making. I can tell how close to orgasm you are by how hard your fingers claw at the soft cotton beneath you. Just as you are about to explode, you push him back and, panting wildly, tell him to fuck you.

He has a strong, proud shaft, thick and pulsating, veins standing out like vines climbing a great tree trunk, and I wonder how it is that you always manage to find guys with such big dicks. You gasp so loud, as he enters you, that it is almost a scream, and you tell me just how big he is and how powerful and how wonderful it feels getting fucked so hard by him. Jealousy mingles with excitement in my blood, making my mind swim and my soul fizz. In between cries of pleasure and heavy breaths, you whisper something to him. I know what it is you are saying and my aching cock bounces in anticipation.

Your orgasm crashes into you like great ocean waves battering a deserted shore, washing over you, drowning your senses, bursting into you and through you in a series of long hard shudders and spasms. Just as you asked, he pulls out as he comes and long, thick streaks of cum shoot hotly and repeatedly over your glorious, quivering breasts.

Still trembling with the aftermath of your orgasm, you climb off the bed, stagger over to me and remove the gag. We kiss and you tell me that you love me. He is impressive and already stiff again. Glancing over your shoulder, you see this and bend over in readiness, steadying yourself with your hands on my shoulders. He stands behind you and holds your hips, the tip of his rock hard prick stroking up and down between your butt cheeks, making you giggle. His cock is still drenched with both your juices and your barely wince as he drives his full length up your ass. As he builds up speed and force, you press your dripping breasts into my face, and I lick and swallow and rub my face into your tits, tasting him, covering my face with him. He reaches round and starts to rub ferociously at your clit, pounding you harder and harder, my chair rocking dangerously back and forth, and as you both come, you push back into him lifting your head, so that you can see my cum splattered face. As he bursts into you with a series of loud grunts, I ask you to touch me but you just pant and smile and wink at me.

After he pulls out you kneel and kiss me, your mouth open, his taste on your lips, his smell filling your nostrils, and by the time you stop, the stranger already has his clothes on and is headed for the door. You see him out and I hear you take a shower, and when you come back in, you are dressed and have your coat. “Where are you going?” I ask.
“Thought I’d go find me another.” you smile, giving my cock a little slap and almost making me come.


12 hours ago

12 hours ago

10 hours ago

.


More

i love you more
than coffee
and ice cream
i love you more
than my shoes

i love you more
than my phone
and my car
i love you more
than the blues

i love you more
than my dog
and red wine
i love you more
than xmas

i love you more
than whiskey
and beer
i love you more
than my x-box

i love you more
than lilacs
and sunsets
i love you more
than the fall

i love you more
than football
and boxing
i love you more
than it all

find more nifty noetry here


Serious action

you stand before us and watch us both strip, enjoying how we are both fully erect by the time we are naked. then you have us strip you, slowly, tantalisingly, kissing and stroking each inch of flesh as it is exposed. stepping out of your panties, you watch our eyes drink in your beauty and lie back on our big bed.

before we get down to some serious action, you tell us, you want us to put on a little show for you. we are both straight but are happy to do anything to turn you on and we kiss, hungrily, our cocks brushing up against each other, pressing into each other. he is much bigger than i am, and i am quite jealous, especially at the greedy way you stare at it. we grab each others shafts and stroke them slowly but fully. my fingers can barley reach round his magnificent prick and i can feel the blood pumping through it in powerful pulsations, his veins like steel wires. you start to touch yourself when i drop to my knees and take his broad, hard cock deep into my mouth. he grabs my head and forces himself into me hard, and i can hear your moans of pleasure as he fucks my face. he pulls out as he starts to come and i can hear you coming too, as he squirts what feels like gallons of hot creamy cum all over my face and into my open, awaiting mouth.

you reach under the bed and pull out the nine tailed flogger. you’d told me last night that you were going to hand it to me but with a wink you pass it to him and he starts to lash at me with it. you squeal with delight and giggle as he covers my body with a rain of stinging blows. he does not care for me like you do and hits me with force, and i jump and squirm with each blow and cover my cock with my hands. i expect you to tell him to ease up a bit, but you don’t, you tell him to hit me harder and for me to put my hands above my head and to stand still. i do, and he brings the flogger down on my twitching prick making it bounce and sway violently.

he is almost instantly stiff again and you tell me to get on all fours. you lie on the bed, bringing your grinning face close to mine, studying my eyes as he enters me. you reach down between your legs as he fulfils himself, fiercely and relentlessly, shaking my whole body and drawing a gasp from my lungs with each powerful thrust. you kiss me as he comes in long hard waves, deep inside me. you whisper that you love me.

the two of you tie me, still shaking, spread eagled, to the bed and you kneel over my face, your juices dripping into my mouth as you lower yourself onto me. i lick at your glowing, drenched pussy, intoxicated by your taste, your thighs squeezing my head and your hips rocking in time with your pleasure as i feel my cock being slid wetly into his mouth. you have the flogger now, and i can feel you swiping at him as my aching cock slips in and out of his mouth. with each blow he yelps and bites at my erection and digs his fingers into my balls. i scream, vibrating your glowing, dribbling cunt which is now quivering and throbbing with delight. you lower yourself further onto me preventing me from breathing and you feel my fear growing and my lungs bursting as i feel your orgasm rise, your thighs trembling uncontrollably as they grip my head. you can sense my panic as you come, and as i pass out, i feel my cum hit the back of his throat.

when i come to, you are kneeling over me, your ass close to my face and he is kneeling in front of you. you have his cock in your hand and you are both kissing.  i can make out his fingers between your legs, lapping at your soft wet pussy and driving hard and wildly into you. i can see what you were doing while i was out because his cum is dripping from your butt. i know what you want me to do.


You lot are disgusting: poll results

and i love you for it!

Thank you to everyone who voted in my little poll the other day. The most voted for topic with 18% was BDSM. Second at a close 15% was MMF threesome. Now, seeing as the wonderful Rois suggested I write a BDSM MMF story the other day, I thought I’d combine the two and write something that 33% of you asked for.

I am currently without my laptop and am working on a computer that is bigger and older and louder than me. Nevertheless, my next post will be the one most people asked for.


Laptop in for repair

With my laptop gone
I’ll get no posts done
But I’ve still got my phone
And its a smart one
So I could write a poem
And sit in the sun
But I can’t be fucked


Cheat

i told my girlfriend that i would never cheat on her. not even if sarah silverman

and helen arney

both turned up on my doorstep, having a fight about which one of them got to fuck me first.

she thinks that’s really sweet. well… she does now… she won’t when she reads this and realises that, actually, if that ever did happen, then there is no way that i’d turn down a threesome with arney and silverman, they are two of the sexiest and funniest women on the planet.

sorry hon…


Kinky

so, i’m trying to think of ways of getting her into some kinky stuff and ask her if she can think of anything we could do to spice up our sex life a little. she says that she’d like to have sex in every room in the house. now, i was hoping for whips and chains and stuff or at least handcuffs, but its a good start and if she wants to have sex in every room in the house, that’s fine with me. turns out that what she means is that she wants to have sex with all the other guys i live with.

more from this guy


Celebration

The best thing about your birthday falling when it does, is that there is always a big fireworks display down by the river. We finish our roasted chestnuts and I stand behind you, in the crowd, my arms around you as we all stare up at the night sky.

I slip my hand inside your long coat and push my hand down inside your skirt and panties, my fingers are cold and you shiver as they slide down over the heat of your pussy. The crowd presses close and no one can see what I am doing to you, nor can they see the way I am rubbing myself against your slowly rocking ass. Even through all our clothes, you can feel how stiff I am.

The sky bursts with light and sound as I deftly rub at your, now wet, clit and the crowd gasp with each flash and bang and, unknowingly, with each of our shudders of pleasure. I get faster and you let out as long “oooh!” out of sync with crowd and a man gives you a funny look; we try our hardest not to giggle.

The crowd, press close around us, unaware of our secret pleasure, and as our orgasms rumble from deep within our beings, the display reaches its climax and the sky explodes in a long series of torrential showers of light and sound, shaking the ground, filling our noses with the smell of gunpowder as we erupt along with the crowd. I feel you tremble with each carnal sky burst, you feel me shudder and squirt into my shorts. We gasp and roar, along with the others but to our own private explosions, the fireworks a mere accompaniment to our  thigh-quenching celebration.


Coming soon

Tell me what you want to read and I will oblige…

Thanks


Get in here

i have the camera positioned just right and i can see you perfectly, as you spread out naked on your bed and start to stroke yourself between your legs. i just hope i’ve hidden it well enough for you not to spot it, you don’t seem to as you slide two fingers into your dripping pussy and then moisten your clit with them.

i lean into the screen to see you better and grab hold of my cock, which feels hot and desperate in my fingers. you rub yourself harder and i groan to myself at the sheer beauty of you. i long to be there with you, long for my lips to be where your fingers are, wish that i could hear your sweet moans of pleasure.

i pump my cock in time to the glorious rhythm of the rising and falling of your thrusting hips, your back arched, your fingers playing greedily with your whole pussy, plunging deep into yourself, passionately and wildly. i almost come spontaneously when you stop to take a taste of yourself and i have to slow right down so that i can come at the same time you do.

I can tell that you’re close by the way you writhe, the way your thighs shake, the way the way the fingers of your other hand dig deep into the sheets beneath you. I am close to coming too, i can feel my toes curling and my cock pulsing fiercely when, suddenly, you stop, sit up and look straight into the camera. you lean over and write something on a sheet of paper and hold it up for me to see. on it are the words ‘GET IN HERE!’ you don’t look happy and i know i am in a lot of trouble. i put my shorts on but you can still see my erection poking through when i walk through into your room. “take those ridiculous things off and stand there.” you say, gesturing to the end of the bed.

you lie back and spread your legs, raising your knees and start slipping your fingers in and out of your glistening pussy, watching how i drink in the sight with my eyes. i take hold of my throbbing member but you tell me “no” and climb onto all fours, facing me. you run a single, soaked finger down the length of my twitching prick and blow on it and then plant a tiny kiss on the tip, letting it tremble agaisnt you lips. then you open your mouth a little more, taking more of me inside you. i feel your teeth gripping it lighty and your tongue caressing it. you kneel up and face me, sliding your sweet, wet fingers over my mouth and nostrils and then throw yourself back onto the bed and bring yourself close to orgasm in front of me. in between your heavy pants and gritted screams, just before you are about to explode, you say three words to me “now, fuck me!”


Rinse and repeat

your breasts come
with instructions:
kiss them
caress them
fondle them
worship them
press your cock
hard in between them
coat them with generous
helpings of cum
then rinse
and repeat
with your tongue.


The top 10 saddest things I ever wanked to

  • the women’s fa cup final
  • kerry katona drunk on this morning
  • the russian grannies on eurovision
  • the news
  • the weather
  • photos of my ex on vacation with her new guy
  • the queen’s speech (any year)
  • the jeremy kyle show
  • pride and prejudice (the novel, not the movie)
  • sarah palin

The kiss

we stood there on a late night tube, as it rattled its way between camden town and euston, and kissed. it was one of the best kisses i ever had. it was gentle but passionate, not deep and tonguey but full and sweet.

we had met just five minutes earlier. we had been sat opposite each other. we were both a little drunk and we were both reading the same book, hesse’s narziss and goldmund. its a book i read over. its about two men, narziss and goldmund. narziss is a scholar and lives in a monastery all his life. his friend, goldmund, is an adventurer who escapes from the monastery and fucks and fights his way across mediaeval europe. he breaks a lot of hearts and gets his broken a lot too, he falls in love with every woman he ever fucks. he becomes a sculptor and survives wars and plagues. he is not really a good man but he is a man to his core.

she got off at king’s cross and i never saw her again.


Real stingers

I was sixteen and she was nineteen or maybe twenty. She was a classroom assistant. The assistants were not supposed to administer corporal punishment, but she did. She would take us into the little office behind the classroom, bend us over and cane our asses, up to six times if we had been really bad. Once, after having been given six real stingers, I stood up and she could see by the bulge in my pants that I had a hard on. She had me bend back over and gave me ten more. Afterwards she winked at me and told me that I didn’t have to be naughty, all I had to do was ask nicely.


How I love

god, how i love
looking at you.
god, how i want
just to touch you.
god, how i need
to hold you so tight.
without you
i can’t get through the night.

god, how i love
how we have so much fun.
god, how i love
watching you come.
god, how i love
the way that we click.
god, how i love
playing with my prick.


All fours

you climb onto the bed and get on all fours. i kneel behind you and slip my stiff cock up between your wet thighs letting it rub up against your dripping pussy, rocking back and forth so that the tip caresses your engorged, hot clit, wetting it with your juices.

you draw in breath sharply as i plunge my full length deep into you and you push yourself back fiercely onto me making sure that you feel every inch. i reach around and start to rub  your clit as i fuck you slowly and fully. you reach down, over my hand so you can feel my throbbing cock slipping wetly in and out of you. as we fuck faster and harder and our moans grow loud and desperate with our increasing pleasure, i push your head down into the soft cotton, flicking hard at your twitching clit. you growl with joy and spit dirty words at me and i gasp your name.

as we start to come, you pull me out of you and slap my soaking cock up against the length of your, now boiling, pussy, holding it there and rubbing your dripping clit up and down it. my cum squirts thickly through your fingers and over your belly and breasts and your orgasm shakes your ass and thighs and i can feel every shudder of your pleasure with my pulsating member.

after, we collapse into a sticky, panting, heap of trembling limbs and lips.


Reblog: Word whore

more word whoring


Lofty

so you really don’t read any other blogs?

sure i do!!
some
sometimes
yours, obviously
a few others

isn’t that kinda arrogant?

i guess
my friend sally calls me ‘lofty’

haha – why?

its a nickname

i get that you dumb cunt – why?

she says i’m aloof

you are

you are boring me now – bye


Gunman

there is this horrendous scream and everybody turns around to look. there is a man with a gun, a revolver, and he is pointing it at this woman and yelling at her that he is going to kill her. she is on her knees and sobbing so wildly that i cannot make out what she is saying, only that she is using the word ‘please’ a lot. the crowd freeze, one or two people shriek and dive for cover, but mostly, we stand there, motionless, gawping at the scene unfolding before us. the woman crumples to the ground in a heap, and those of us that have not got our eyes glued on the gunman notice the pool of urine seep from under her and spread out over the cold, stone, grey floor.

suddenly, a man steps out from the crowd and stands between her and the pistol. the gunman freaks and screams at this guy, calls him stupid, tells him he’s a motherfucker, tell’s him he’s about to die. the man just nods and stands his ground. the next thing that you know is a woman steps out and joins him, shielding the girl on the floor. then the guy stood next to me joins them. then i do and then three other people do and before you know it, there are thirty or forty of us surrounding her. the gunman does his nut and tries to point his weapon at all of us at once. issuing us all spoken death warrants.

then the police show up, and for a moment i see a look of pure insanity flash across his eyes, before he seems to compose himself, drops the gun to the floor and holds his hands up above his head.

i’m telling you, that’s the last time i go into a burger king.


Cat

i seem to have acquired a cat. it just turned up at the back door, in the rain, looking like it needed something. i don’t know how operate a cat, so i gave it some food, some tuna and some milk and some carrots. cats don’t like carrots.

now it seems to have moved in and is asleep on the bed. i have decided to call it “fuck off” as that seems to be what it answers to. its full name is “fuck off i’m trying to masturbate.” that will make for an interesting trip to the vet’s.


An exchange of words

I have a tee shirt with the words “unfuck the world” on it. The other day, in the supermarket, a cop, stood next to me in the line, looked at it and said “You know I could nick you for that?” I could tell by his smile that he wasn’t being serious but, I wasn’t in the mood.
“I don’t think you could, actually.” I replied mirthlessly. As his smile faded, mine grew.
“Despite agreeing with the sentiment sir, your tee shirt is displaying an offensive word.” I knew I’d pissed him off, because he called me sir; my job was half done.
“Actually it doesn’t,” I informed him, “unfuck isn’t even a real word.”
“Yes,” he quipped back at me, “but it contains a real word within it, an offensive one.”
“So does Scunthorpe,” I pointed out, “what you gonna do, nick everyone in a Scunthorpe United shirt?” At this point he was called to the checkout but I could see him figuring it out, saw the moment of realisation dawn on his face.