An exchange of words

I have a tee shirt with the words “unfuck the world” on it. The other day, in the supermarket, a cop, stood next to me in the line, looked at it and said “You know I could nick you for that?” I could tell by his smile that he wasn’t being serious but, I wasn’t in the mood.
“I don’t think you could, actually.” I replied mirthlessly. As his smile faded, mine grew.
“Despite agreeing with the sentiment sir, your tee shirt is displaying an offensive word.” I knew I’d pissed him off, because he called me sir; my job was half done.
“Actually it doesn’t,” I informed him, “unfuck isn’t even a real word.”
“Yes,” he quipped back at me, “but it contains a real word within it, an offensive one.”
“So does Scunthorpe,” I pointed out, “what you gonna do, nick everyone in a Scunthorpe United shirt?” At this point he was called to the checkout but I could see him figuring it out, saw the moment of realisation dawn on his face.

58 responses

  1. I’ve just reported you for saying scunthorpe! Disgusting!

    12.07.25 at 04.11

    • i know, i went too far, didn’t i? sorry

      12.07.25 at 05.33

  2. lol. You were feeling smart with yourself,i like the shirt btw,If i saw you with that shirt i would take ur picture. love it!

    12.07.15 at 12.07

    • hey thanks – be warned that your picture would constitute an offence under the public decency act lol

      12.07.15 at 12.17

  3. BWAHAHA! Priceless! =0)

    12.07.13 at 15.12

  4. eroticexploration

    Genius Kyle, just genius 🙂

    12.07.13 at 05.42

    • aw thank you my love

      12.07.14 at 06.04

  5. 😀 😀 😀
    I wonder if he would nick me if I wear this T-shirt? 😀 http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/6199/16237119679525287054644.jpg

    12.07.12 at 16.03

    • if i was a cop i would definitely nick you and i would hold you under arrest until you could prove it true

      12.07.12 at 18.16

      • and it would be so funny if you wore that shirt, on your second dates lol

        12.07.12 at 18.20

        • I actually did this once, he said he wished I wore it the first time, so he didn’t had to go through all the efforts. He said he was joking, but I know he didn’t . 😀

          12.07.12 at 19.01

      • I was really good in proving that once, then I guess I got old. 🙂

        12.07.12 at 18.56

  6. bwahahaha, well done, Sir 😉

    12.07.12 at 14.45

    • haha – i try, i try – maybe one day we can actually unfuck the whole world – probably not but its gotta be worth a shot, eh?

      12.07.12 at 18.13

  7. Ivelisse

    Haha. Love this!

    12.07.12 at 13.05

  8. I L-O-V-E a real smart-ass. If I were listening in back of you two – that would have made me your groupie Kyle

    12.07.12 at 11.42

    • haha – being a smart ass isn’t always the smartest thing to do, but if it gets me groupies like you sweetheart, then i better go sass some more cops.
      i have always been your groupie jayne – and i always will be

      12.07.12 at 11.49

      • I know about the “isn’t always the smartest thing to do” part but … I love the fire that drives that! Have to – Gotta – Must – Question Authority. Don’t sass the cops anymore though. Love that “Sass the Cops” saying. (ok seriously, it’s been over 100 degrees for 3 days, lightning in the am hours last night and YOUR post – I am definitely affected AND I better stay indoors for my own safety)

        12.07.12 at 12.05

        • whatever else you do, stay safe jayne

          12.07.12 at 12.06

          • I’m usually safe – that’s why I love guys like you who sass the Cops!

            12.07.12 at 12.14

            • good – sometimes they sass me back, lol
              in another life i could have been one – i love ’em really but like to do my bit as a citizen and keep them on their toes

              12.07.12 at 12.49

              • Exactly, what else would an excellent subject / citizen do???

                12.07.12 at 16.24

  9. I would have had a good chuckle from seeing the realization dawn on him, figuring out what it spelled. Good on you, Kyle!!

    12.07.12 at 10.19

    • thanks ma’am – “haha,” i thought, “i just made that copper, think the word ‘cunt’.” although i am sure that that is what he was thinking when i sassed him – he had a point tho, my tee IS offensive, at least, i fucking hope it is.

      12.07.12 at 10.27

  10. Such a smart ass. I love the way your mind works Kyle.

    12.07.12 at 10.14

    • thanks – i wish it would give me some warning of what its gonna make me say tho sometimes

      12.07.12 at 10.23

  11. deviantdiaries

    Positively brilliant…esp that you had something like “Scunthorpe” at the ready in your arsenal of wit.

    12.07.12 at 10.14

    • not sure if it would hold up in court tho – pretty sure he was right and could have nicked me – he was on his lunch break i guess

      12.07.12 at 10.22

      • deviantdiaries

        fuck ’em 🙂

        12.07.12 at 11.50

        • unfuck ’em 😀

          12.07.12 at 11.52

  12. Brilliant!

    12.07.12 at 10.05

    • thank you darling

      12.07.12 at 10.21

  13. clownonfire

    Kyle,
    I own a great “Fuck la Mode” t-shirt, which I’ve been known to wear everywhere. I’ve been more afraid of my wife’s grand-mother’s reaction, though, than our Montreal law-enforcement team. I think wearing a t-shirt that says “Nickelback” is far more offensive.
    Le Clown

    12.07.12 at 09.21

    • i don’t know what nickelback means but i’m sure you’re right lol

      12.07.12 at 09.54

      • PAZ

        NIckleback is a terrible band. I won’t even offend you by linking you to one of their videos. But, I will say this, a while back I had written a post titled Unfuck the World but I never finished it and I probably never will. You just reminded me though. 🙂
        Scunthrope is so clever!

        12.07.15 at 00.38

        • thanks paz – glad i know now and glad you liked

          12.07.15 at 06.16

        • Excuse me! Nickleback is a great band,their videos may not be all that,but have great music.You obviously don’t know what you are talking about.

          12.07.15 at 11.57

          • i’ll have to go see for myself now

            12.07.15 at 12.16

            • Did you eventually check out the band? If yes,did you like them?

              12.07.30 at 15.50

  14. TheOthers1

    Being contrary, huh? I like contrary.

    12.07.12 at 08.43

  15. Love the story, sounds a tad civilized for you K, but very cute. Can’t help wonder though….Scunthorpe United….what is their mascot? Just wonderin’ 😉

    12.07.12 at 07.14

    • not sure, but they are a bunch of pussies lol

      12.07.12 at 07.18

  16. I could kiss you for being to witty!

    12.07.12 at 06.53

    • *soo witty!

      12.07.12 at 06.53

      • haha – hey, if being witty is gonna earn me kisses, i will have to try to be even wittier
        thank you – that made my day

        12.07.12 at 07.17

  17. Love it!

    12.07.12 at 06.35

  18. I’d Call That A Kyle Style Victory, Sir.
    Btw, Is Scunthorpe A Real Place, Or Was That Just Your Cleverness?! hehehe
    -B.

    12.07.12 at 06.08

    • thanks and scunthorpe is a real place

      12.07.12 at 06.16

  19. one nil

    12.07.12 at 05.47

    • yes – and what a good response 😆

      12.07.12 at 05.48

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