An exchange of words

I have a tee shirt with the words “unfuck the world” on it. The other day, in the supermarket, a cop, stood next to me in the line, looked at it and said “You know I could nick you for that?” I could tell by his smile that he wasn’t being serious but, I wasn’t in the mood.
“I don’t think you could, actually.” I replied mirthlessly. As his smile faded, mine grew.
“Despite agreeing with the sentiment sir, your tee shirt is displaying an offensive word.” I knew I’d pissed him off, because he called me sir; my job was half done.
“Actually it doesn’t,” I informed him, “unfuck isn’t even a real word.”
“Yes,” he quipped back at me, “but it contains a real word within it, an offensive one.”
“So does Scunthorpe,” I pointed out, “what you gonna do, nick everyone in a Scunthorpe United shirt?” At this point he was called to the checkout but I could see him figuring it out, saw the moment of realisation dawn on his face.

58 responses

  1. I’ve just reported you for saying scunthorpe! Disgusting!

    12.07.25 at 04.11

    • i know, i went too far, didn’t i? sorry

      12.07.25 at 05.33

  2. lol. You were feeling smart with yourself,i like the shirt btw,If i saw you with that shirt i would take ur picture. love it!

    12.07.15 at 12.07

    • hey thanks – be warned that your picture would constitute an offence under the public decency act lol

      12.07.15 at 12.17

  3. BWAHAHA! Priceless! =0)

    12.07.13 at 15.12

  4. eroticexploration

    Genius Kyle, just genius 🙂

    12.07.13 at 05.42

    • aw thank you my love

      12.07.14 at 06.04

  5. 😀 😀 😀
    I wonder if he would nick me if I wear this T-shirt? 😀 http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/6199/16237119679525287054644.jpg

    12.07.12 at 16.03

    • if i was a cop i would definitely nick you and i would hold you under arrest until you could prove it true

      12.07.12 at 18.16

      • and it would be so funny if you wore that shirt, on your second dates lol

        12.07.12 at 18.20

        • I actually did this once, he said he wished I wore it the first time, so he didn’t had to go through all the efforts. He said he was joking, but I know he didn’t . 😀

          12.07.12 at 19.01

      • I was really good in proving that once, then I guess I got old. 🙂

        12.07.12 at 18.56

  6. bwahahaha, well done, Sir 😉

    12.07.12 at 14.45

    • haha – i try, i try – maybe one day we can actually unfuck the whole world – probably not but its gotta be worth a shot, eh?

      12.07.12 at 18.13

  7. Ivelisse

    Haha. Love this!

    12.07.12 at 13.05

  8. I L-O-V-E a real smart-ass. If I were listening in back of you two – that would have made me your groupie Kyle

    12.07.12 at 11.42

    • haha – being a smart ass isn’t always the smartest thing to do, but if it gets me groupies like you sweetheart, then i better go sass some more cops.
      i have always been your groupie jayne – and i always will be

      12.07.12 at 11.49

      • I know about the “isn’t always the smartest thing to do” part but … I love the fire that drives that! Have to – Gotta – Must – Question Authority. Don’t sass the cops anymore though. Love that “Sass the Cops” saying. (ok seriously, it’s been over 100 degrees for 3 days, lightning in the am hours last night and YOUR post – I am definitely affected AND I better stay indoors for my own safety)

        12.07.12 at 12.05

        • whatever else you do, stay safe jayne

          12.07.12 at 12.06

          • I’m usually safe – that’s why I love guys like you who sass the Cops!

            12.07.12 at 12.14

            • good – sometimes they sass me back, lol
              in another life i could have been one – i love ’em really but like to do my bit as a citizen and keep them on their toes

              12.07.12 at 12.49

              • Exactly, what else would an excellent subject / citizen do???

                12.07.12 at 16.24

  9. I would have had a good chuckle from seeing the realization dawn on him, figuring out what it spelled. Good on you, Kyle!!

    12.07.12 at 10.19

    • thanks ma’am – “haha,” i thought, “i just made that copper, think the word ‘cunt’.” although i am sure that that is what he was thinking when i sassed him – he had a point tho, my tee IS offensive, at least, i fucking hope it is.

      12.07.12 at 10.27

  10. Isabella

    Such a smart ass. I love the way your mind works Kyle.

    12.07.12 at 10.14

    • thanks – i wish it would give me some warning of what its gonna make me say tho sometimes

      12.07.12 at 10.23

      • Isabella

        Haha..no fun in that though.

        12.07.13 at 18.36

  11. deviantdiaries

    Positively brilliant…esp that you had something like “Scunthorpe” at the ready in your arsenal of wit.

    12.07.12 at 10.14

    • not sure if it would hold up in court tho – pretty sure he was right and could have nicked me – he was on his lunch break i guess

      12.07.12 at 10.22

      • deviantdiaries

        fuck ’em 🙂

        12.07.12 at 11.50

        • unfuck ’em 😀

          12.07.12 at 11.52

  12. Brilliant!

    12.07.12 at 10.05

    • thank you darling

      12.07.12 at 10.21

  13. clownonfire

    Kyle,
    I own a great “Fuck la Mode” t-shirt, which I’ve been known to wear everywhere. I’ve been more afraid of my wife’s grand-mother’s reaction, though, than our Montreal law-enforcement team. I think wearing a t-shirt that says “Nickelback” is far more offensive.
    Le Clown

    12.07.12 at 09.21

    • i don’t know what nickelback means but i’m sure you’re right lol

      12.07.12 at 09.54

      • PAZ

        NIckleback is a terrible band. I won’t even offend you by linking you to one of their videos. But, I will say this, a while back I had written a post titled Unfuck the World but I never finished it and I probably never will. You just reminded me though. 🙂
        Scunthrope is so clever!

        12.07.15 at 00.38

        • thanks paz – glad i know now and glad you liked

          12.07.15 at 06.16

        • Excuse me! Nickleback is a great band,their videos may not be all that,but have great music.You obviously don’t know what you are talking about.

          12.07.15 at 11.57

          • i’ll have to go see for myself now

            12.07.15 at 12.16

            • Did you eventually check out the band? If yes,did you like them?

              12.07.30 at 15.50

  14. TheOthers1

    Being contrary, huh? I like contrary.

    12.07.12 at 08.43

  15. Love the story, sounds a tad civilized for you K, but very cute. Can’t help wonder though….Scunthorpe United….what is their mascot? Just wonderin’ 😉

    12.07.12 at 07.14

    • not sure, but they are a bunch of pussies lol

      12.07.12 at 07.18

  16. I could kiss you for being to witty!

    12.07.12 at 06.53

    • *soo witty!

      12.07.12 at 06.53

      • haha – hey, if being witty is gonna earn me kisses, i will have to try to be even wittier
        thank you – that made my day

        12.07.12 at 07.17

  17. Love it!

    12.07.12 at 06.35

  18. I’d Call That A Kyle Style Victory, Sir.
    Btw, Is Scunthorpe A Real Place, Or Was That Just Your Cleverness?! hehehe
    -B.

    12.07.12 at 06.08

    • thanks and scunthorpe is a real place

      12.07.12 at 06.16

  19. one nil

    12.07.12 at 05.47

    • yes – and what a good response 😆

      12.07.12 at 05.48

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