Chopping board

you are hard at work, in the kitchen, doing something on the chopping board. i don’t care what it is, i’m feeling horny and come up behind you and hold you, my hands cupping your breasts, my stiffie pressing into your back. “not now!” you tell me sharply, “i’m busy!” i don’t give a fuck, and i push my right hand down between your legs.
“c’mon love,” i implore, “just a quickie?” you spin round and glare at me. i ignore you and pull at your skirt, wanting to feel between your legs. you brush my hand away roughly and tell me to
“fucking grow up!” i slip my hand up inside your tee, grabbing a breast and ask, in my sweetest voice, for “a quick hand-job?” this seems to excite you and you smile and i feel your nipples stiffen and i grin back at you. if i had paid more attention, i would have seen that what you were chopping was half a dozen or so hot red chilli peppers, the burning juices of which now coat your fingers.

“you want me to wank you off?” you ask cheekily, and i nod like a demented puppy and grin. “what, right this minute?” you check. a question that is met by more enthusiastic nodding. you look down and i obediently drop my pants. i love the way you smile as you grab hold of my twitching prick and start to stroke generously up and down its whole length. you trace delicate little circles around and all over the head with the tips of the fingers of your other hand, which feels fantastic, and even more tingly than usual. you fondle my balls and even push the tip of your pinkie into my butt, you know how i like that. the mischievous look in your eyes makes it so much better.

then the heat hits me and i gasp in pain and you giggle. you answer the desperate questioning in my eyes by glancing over your shoulder at the pile of red chilli peppers on the chopping board. my eyes follow yours, widening in realisation as they do. i try to pull away but you keep hold of me for a second or two and kiss me. then you let go and i hop from one foot to the other, letting out little agonised whimpers, unsure what to do, pain scorching me from the tip of my dick to my ass. you laugh so hard that you can barely cross the kitchen to the freezer and find me a bag of frozen peas.

you are still laughing as you wash your hands and go back to preparing the meal.

28 responses

  1. Great story, very funny with a splash of dirt.

    12.07.31 at 10.35

    • thanks for reading

      12.07.31 at 10.37

  2. Very funny! Hope it didn’t happen to you for real, Kyle! I know a guy whose mum caught him with a swimsuit mag when he was 12, she rubbed chilis into his balls to teach him not to be a dirty minded little so and so. didn’t work though.

    12.07.28 at 23.49

    • oww, poor kid. it didn’t happen for real but i got the idea when i was cooking with chilis and forgot to wash my hands before having a pee 😉

      12.07.29 at 06.38

  3. nekkidsoul

    Made me laugh out loud. That is exactly what I would have done in her place! Great post.

    12.07.28 at 19.17

    • funny, confident and powerful. he doesn’t know what a lucky guy he is – surely you wouldn’t giggle at a man in such pain tho?

      12.07.28 at 21.15

      • nekkidsoul

        Honestly, I probably would. I am a little evil that way. 🙂 What is funnier than pain brought on by one’s own persistence? If I really cared for the guy, I might attempt to hide my mirth.

        12.07.29 at 05.40

        • i like a little evil

          12.07.29 at 13.07

  4. TemptingSweets99

    My oh, my oh my! I’ll have to remember to do that. LOL! 😀

    12.07.28 at 13.13

  5. Rhonda

    a girl after my own corezon…one of my favorite dishes…. chili con bollocks w/ a side of spiced hard sausage. Muy delicioso!

    12.07.28 at 12.46

    • i knew it would be to your taste

      12.07.28 at 13.16

  6. I was hoping for a milk bath remedy, followed by a lapping off.

    12.07.28 at 12.37

    • woohoo jenni – i wish i’d thought of that – wow

      12.07.28 at 13.15

  7. Hope she washed her hands before finishing dinner

    12.07.28 at 11.25

    • i think i added that lol – can’t disregard hygiene now, can we?

      12.07.28 at 11.26

      • even if we tried all those tv cooking shows have it brain washed into us lol

        12.07.28 at 11.38

        • the shows and the adverts

          12.07.28 at 12.07

  8. Wow. Like it. No hot puns, I promise…

    12.07.28 at 11.03

    • i’m sure you would come up with some good ones susan

      12.07.28 at 11.06

      • I do not think I can top your brilliant, sexy, and spicy delivery–I don’t mess with masters of their form–I just admire 🙂

        12.07.28 at 11.07

  9. Ouch!

    12.07.28 at 11.03

    • that’ll teach me, eh?

      12.07.28 at 11.04

  10. That was hot!

    12.07.28 at 10.42

    • hahaha – literally

      12.07.28 at 10.43

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