A cautionary tale

so anyway, i had unprotected sex with this prostitute the other week, and a few days later my cock turns purple. naturally, i go see my doctor and she tells me that it will have to be amputated. now, that seems a bit extreme to me, so i get myself a second opinion and go see this classy doctor on harley street. “my doctor says its gotta be amputated,” i tell him, “tell me that’s not true.”
“oh no.” he replies, “that’s totally unnecessary. give it two or three days and it’ll fall off all by itself.”

68 responses

  1. Sometimes The comments you get are just as good as your posts…

    12.08.30 at 07.55

    • they’re normally better

      12.08.30 at 08.05

  2. That sounds absolutely horrific either way. But a vagina might be better?

    So… you won an award!

    http://diaryofamadgayman.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/bitches-love-awards/

    12.08.24 at 12.48

    • wow – i am flattered to the point of ejaculation

      12.08.24 at 13.12

  3. yeah, I’ve heard that one before…but it’s still funny!

    12.08.24 at 10.33

    • haha – yeah its an old one

      12.08.24 at 10.34

  4. I’ve nominated you for The Booker Award. Part of the award requires you listing your 5 favorite books and I’m really interested in seeing what they are. Thanks for writing.

    12.08.23 at 15.49

    • wow – thank you, i am honoured – i don’t normally do awards but, in this case, i will happily make an exception 🙂

      12.08.23 at 16.15

      • I have to say, your writing is so unique and I’m enjoying reading it so much that I am very curious to see what you read, so thank you.

        12.08.23 at 17.48

  5. When you get a second..please join me and 6 friends on my porch.
    Got something for y’all.
    Thanks.
    http://help-me-rhonda.com/2012/08/23/seven-deadly-humiliat-sins/

    12.08.23 at 13.27

    • well… you know how i feel about awards… but seeing as its you honey

      12.08.23 at 16.13

      • Just do it Mew…you know you want to. AND, we want you too! Seven things…go!

        12.08.23 at 16.34

  6. …musta been swedish 😉

    12.08.22 at 19.05

    • is that common in sweden then?

      12.08.22 at 19.37

      • you never know… you got a purple dick, could’ve been worse… like a red and blue dick with stars and stripes on.

        12.08.23 at 07.12

        • god bless america!

          12.08.23 at 09.04

  7. applejaxe

    Oh shit a day late and a dick short 😉 well played my friend.

    12.08.22 at 16.06

    • where were ya when i needed ya 🙂

      12.08.22 at 16.58

      • I was jerking off !!! What you should have been doing instead 🙂

        12.08.22 at 19.07

  8. loving the comments as much as your writing…funny cool bunch of friends you have.

    12.08.22 at 15.45

    • the comments are far better than the posts in all cases on this blog

      12.08.22 at 16.57

  9. Send it here and I’ll preserve it!

    12.08.22 at 05.04

  10. Wow–you put the dark in dark humor, my friend…

    12.08.21 at 21.17

    • thank you susan – i try 🙂

      12.08.22 at 03.40

  11. This gives whole new meaning to “cutting out the middle man.”

    12.08.21 at 20.09

    • I can’t think of a better comment than this, so I’ll just give you a resounding, “ditto”! (and my sincerest hopes that it can be re-attached, post haste :P)

      12.08.21 at 21.16

      • why, thank you lol

        12.08.22 at 03.40

    • hahaha – brilliant

      12.08.22 at 03.39

  12. interesting that the ‘female’ doc says cut it off don’t you think mew? something to ponder while you wait for mr. johnson to hit the floor. 😈

    12.08.21 at 17.53

    • yes, that IS interesting. why do think that is?

      12.08.21 at 17.55

      • one can only wonder…but if one WERE to guess…i’d say you’d amewsed her before! 😉

        12.08.21 at 17.56

        • yes i had been rhondaing about that too 😉

          12.08.21 at 17.58

          • ha…does not have the same flow does it? c’est la vie.

            12.08.21 at 18.00

            • as long as i got to amewse you rhonda woman 😆

              12.08.21 at 18.02

              • no problem there…i’m easily amewsed.

                12.08.21 at 18.03

  13. lesson learned

    12.08.21 at 17.01

    • for now – oh hang on… no second chances here lol

      12.08.21 at 17.54

      • don’t think hanging on will help ya here mew. sorry for your loss. 😦

        12.08.21 at 18.02

        • haha – very true – and thank you

          12.08.21 at 18.04

          • hey, just let me know if you need a hand…that’s what friends are for. we’ll have a burial ceremony for the little guy. i have an empty cigarette pack you can use as a coffin. here in the states they sell an extra long one called virginia slims…i buried a gold fish in one once…worked great.

            12.08.21 at 18.16

            • well, as long as its you conducting the ceremonies – i’m sure you will find the appropriate words – and if it’s you giving a hand then we’ll need an extra large fag box 😉

              12.08.21 at 18.31

              • dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of….oh wait…wrong one.

                we join together, this man and this….shit…how the hell does it go?

                friends and family…as we gather here to pay our last respects to johnson mew…however, i would be reminisce were I not to remind you of the serious consequences of making promises you do not intend to keep. If mew had kept his promise as shown here…(and yes, these are in quotes):

                Kyle: hey – if it gets to 100 comments
                Lucianus: You said you needed 100 comments, well I’m the 105th one so start uploading
                Kyle: damn! that’s a hundred comments – guess i better get my camera ready
                cheatingwhore: Fuck YEAH I clicked the link!! I love me some cock…and was sadly disappointed. Pleeeeeease post a picture?
                Karmicdiva: tease
                Isabella: Tease…now where is it
                Kyle: ha ha ok you win AND
                Kyle: ok you guys win AND YET AGAIN
                Kyle: seeing as you asked so nicely, i’ve made it a cum shot

                Get the picture mew? It’s not nice to fool MOTHER nature! You do…and it’ll fall off!

                12.08.21 at 22.34

                • Rhonda–brilliant.

                  12.08.21 at 23.58

                • ah, so you’re saying its divine retribution – next time i will keep my word i guess – very well conducted service sweetheart – thank you

                  12.08.22 at 03.53

  14. Once upon a time Kyle screwed a prostitute and his dick fell off. Now he wears it around his neck. Well hung. From a golden shower of chain links. He would love to show it to you.

    Some things will never change.

    Nor should they.

    12.08.21 at 16.41

    • couldn’t have put it better myself

      12.08.21 at 17.53

  15. hahaha, great one…

    12.08.21 at 16.13

  16. Well shit, ain’t that a relief.

    12.08.21 at 15.48

  17. 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯

    12.08.21 at 15.46

    • the perfect reaponse

      12.08.21 at 17.52

  18. TemptingSweets99

    amputation — the lesser of two evils.

    12.08.21 at 15.43

    • it would seem so 🙂

      12.08.21 at 17.51

  19. Oh shit Kyle!

    12.08.21 at 15.33

    • yes and thanks

      12.08.21 at 17.51

  20. OUCH!!!!!

    12.08.21 at 15.18

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