Beer mat

It was a dodgy kinda pub, you know the sort, dark and seedy, old men nursing their half pints so as to make them last the whole evening, or topping up their glasses from cans in a bag under the table, but I was meeting the man there, so there wasn’t much I could do except grin and bear it.

When I got up to visit the bathroom, several heads spun silently in my direction, beady eyes weighing up my pint greedily. I sat back down and flipped over a beer mat. On the back I wrote, in simple block letters “I HAVE SPAT IN THIS BEER”, propped it up against the glass and went and took a leak.

When I got back, my drink remained untouched. I grinned, I was way to smart for these lowlifes, I thought. I took the card and laid it back on the grubbyย Formica. I took three long gulps of the cool, goldenย liquid and then noticed that underneath my words on the beer mat, someone had written the words “SO HAVE WE”.

46 responses

  1. Piinkyy Piee

    This so made my day! ๐Ÿ˜€

    12.12.04 at 04.59

    • i’m so glad to hear that – thank you

      12.12.04 at 07.32

  2. Reblogged this on Infernal Deity of a Psychotic Mind and commented:
    Simple, yet very funny in a dark sense of the word. Love it

    12.11.24 at 23.52

  3. I laughed so hard, this was a gem. Thanks for sharing.

    12.11.24 at 23.50

    • any time and thanks for the reblog

      12.11.25 at 06.09

      • I love to reblog something which is interesting, I do this with most blogs I follow as well as posting them on all sites which do so.

        12.11.25 at 21.19

  4. I miss you. Please write.
    Love,
    me

    12.11.21 at 01.07

    • i miss writing – i’ll have something up here soon – thanks you

      12.11.21 at 10.11

  5. Funny ๐Ÿ™‚

    12.11.18 at 04.11

  6. It made me smile, thanks for the laugh.

    12.11.15 at 05.22

    • happy to oblige

      12.11.15 at 08.38

  7. and where are you?
    me, so bluntly asking…

    12.11.14 at 23.22

    • blunt is fine ๐Ÿ™‚ i’m at home in london but have the world’s most beautiful woman staying with me so its like a vacation in heaven ๐Ÿ™‚

      12.11.15 at 08.38

      • Yes Kyle..as it should, cheers!
        You are excused for not blogging….

        12.11.15 at 20.03

  8. brill!

    12.11.10 at 18.19

  9. gemini

    I nominated you for an award
    http://geminisub.wordpress.com/2012/11/10/i-got-an-award-thank-you

    12.11.10 at 17.44

    • thank you – away at the moment but will get to it when i get back – thanks again

      12.11.11 at 05.57

  10. gemini

    lol..i missed the laughs!

    12.11.03 at 12.21

  11. At least they didn’t piss in it. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    12.10.31 at 18.11

  12. oooh yuck.

    12.10.31 at 16.21

  13. If I were only half as clever as you I’d be a really clever motherfucker.

    12.10.31 at 13.38

  14. TemptingSweets99

    Too smart for each other. LOL!

    12.10.30 at 14.57

    • it was a true meeting of equals ๐Ÿ™‚

      12.10.30 at 16.54

  15. Oh, but admit it: you couldn’t help your curious self and finish it, right!? ๐Ÿ˜›

    12.10.30 at 14.38

    • i’ll never tell hehe

      12.10.30 at 16.54

  16. ewwwwww!

    12.10.30 at 13.15

    • hehe – yes indeed

      12.10.30 at 16.53

  17. Oh geez! Shit I wonder generally how much spit and other stuff we have ingested unwittingly in these damn bars and restaurants. Hehehehehehe!

    12.10.30 at 13.11

    • i won’t settle for any less than 5% spittle, or i want my money back

      12.10.30 at 16.52

  18. Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN!

    12.10.30 at 12.52

    • great response becca – love it

      12.10.30 at 16.51

  19. Hmmmmmmmmm I would have finished the drink first hehe

    12.10.30 at 09.10

    • good thinking foxy

      12.10.30 at 16.51

  20. workspousestory

    Oh the pleasure of disgust.

    12.10.30 at 09.08

    • you got it ๐Ÿ˜†

      12.10.30 at 16.50

      • You cold’nut pay me to ignore these posts!

        17.03.02 at 08.28

  21. Yikes! ๐Ÿ™‚

    12.10.30 at 08.08

    • ๐Ÿ˜€ indeed! thanks

      12.10.30 at 16.50

  22. maryisidra

    Some times those lowlifes are smarter than we give them credit for…

    12.10.30 at 08.08

    • hehe – very true

      12.10.30 at 16.49

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