Dear God

Dear god,

Sorry to break it to you like this, but I think that you’re a bit of a cunt. Okay, sure, you created the universe, and I have to say that I’m jolly impressed, but why did you have to ruin it by acting like such a dick? You’re jealous and shallow and bitter and twisted. Your commandments are almost totally self serving. Craven images? Really? taking your name in vain? Get over yourself you wanker! Do you really think we need tablets of stone to tell us that lying and stealing and killing are wrong?  Seriously dude, I know fucking eight year olds who could figure that out, and killing? What about Jericho? Every living thing, you had slaughtered, women, babies, even the fucking cattle, you lying hypocritical motherfucker, and what of rape and slavery and racism and child abuse? Don’t see a fucking mention of that in your bloody commandments, and what is it with that boy of yours? You decided we were sinners, not us. You decided we needed redeeming, we were quite fucking happy thanks, until you stuck your almighty nose in, and look how you chose to save us, you sick cunt, by torturing your own son to death! You need fucking help buddy, seriously. You have caused nothing but pain and anguish and suffering and guilt and countless war and death, ever since you showed up. If you really care about us (and I seriously doubt you do, you are too wrapped up in yourself to be able to really care) then please, just fuck off and go annoy someone else, or, ideally, just put a fucking bullet in that sick and twisted brain of yours.

Yours. very sincerely

Kyle.

PS. Thanks for the cookies, the missus says to say that the cinnamon was the perfect touch.

PPS. Stop watching me when I masturbate, you fucking pervert.

33 responses

  1. Useful information. Hope to notice more good posts in the foreseeable future.

    13.07.22 at 09.23

    • thank you – i will do my best

      13.07.22 at 09.24

  2. artfulhelix

    Hey Kyle how are you? It sure has been a long time and a lot has happened in the past few months but I’m finally here again. lol. Love this post!

    13.07.16 at 14.18

    • oh hi babe – how good to hear from you – a lot of water has passed under the bridge here too – do good to hear from you

      13.07.16 at 14.28

      • artfulhelix

        Life dose like to throw us curve balls doesn’t it. that’s what my new post was about, plus I posted the first chapter of a novel I’ve been working on. I don’t feel its off to as good a start as Helix, would you take a look? Its good to see your still writing, and amazing as always 🙂 I am so glad to have a computer and internet again!

        13.07.16 at 14.45

        • i’m glad for you too – be careful about posting your work – publishers won’t ouch it if they think it was made available online – treat your words as precious

          13.07.16 at 15.36

          • artfulhelix

            Thanks, your right. Thankfully its only the first chapter. I just don’t know what else to do, I don’t have any one to critique my work any more so I thought it would be worth a try.

            13.07.16 at 18.09

            • trust your own judgement honey – if you think its good, then it is good

              13.07.17 at 14.44

              • artfulhelix

                You always know just what to say 🙂 I’m going to take a break from it and go back to Helix for a bit. Did I tell You I am co-writing a children’s book? Its for A dear friend we lost shortly after we started it. We are almost ready to do the artwork. Love your last post by the way 🙂

                13.07.23 at 09.19

                • thank you – and good luck with the book 😀

                  13.07.23 at 09.37

  3. Your post reminds me of when the Devil character in the Devil’s Advocate calls God a tight ass and a sadist. Greatest. Speech. Ever. It rolls through my head from time to time when I think about things:

    13.07.15 at 13.41

    • i don’t believe in god – the idea is insane – what i do believe in, is you watching me come in my own mouth – love al pacino btw

      13.07.15 at 14.00

      • Oh Kyle I’ve had the blessing of that visual today, wouldn’t you know. The reality of it would be a sight for sore eyes indeed.

        13.07.15 at 17.45

  4. I see what you mean…he may pay attention to you…but not the way you may like. Got to hand it to you…you are willing to put your ‘dick’ where your mouth is….I’ll flip a bird to him now and again, in your honor. 🙂

    13.07.15 at 13.24

    • he needed telling – i doubt that he will listen tho

      13.07.15 at 13.34

      • oh, he’ll listen and then he’ll do something funny, like give you some sort of ED. that’s his style. 😉

        13.07.15 at 13.39

    • it was the ps and the pps that gave it the humour i hope – although i d expect to be struck down by lightning soon

      13.07.15 at 13.37

      • oh yeah…the ps especially random and clever. the pss….well, i think he’s a voyeur at heart, so no chance there! see? you have something in common!!! lol

        13.07.15 at 13.41

        • i just hope he strikes me down as i’m about to come lol

          13.07.15 at 13.49

          • lol. ummm, like when are you NOT? think you are safe.

            13.07.15 at 13.50

  5. LMFAO!!!!

    13.07.15 at 12.53

    • and so we should – its about time we taught this motherfucker a lesson

      13.07.15 at 12.59

      • Give Him Hell Kyle, a taste of his own medicine! 😆

        13.07.15 at 13.15

        • what? nail him to a tree? i would love to, but its been done lol

          13.07.15 at 13.17

  6. Har har har – fucking awesome. You are totally going to get struck down by lighting, and you will totally deserve it, but at least you went down the right way, telling it like it is. God is mentally unstable, you know, why wouldn’t he be after producing the likes of us?

    13.07.15 at 12.43

    • i just hope i have an erection when i get struck down

      13.07.15 at 12.45

      • god doesn’t have the balls to take me on mate

        13.07.15 at 12.46

      • That might actually be the reason you are struck down… Well if God has any kind of sense of humanity, I think he should reward the people who live their life and live it well. Not those who pretend to be pious.

        13.07.15 at 12.47

        • next time there is a thunderstorm, i’m gonna stand naked in the garden and masturbate – let’s see if he has the balls then

          13.07.15 at 12.56

          • i imagine i will be more at risk of the woman upstairs coming down and hitting me with a big stick 🙂

            13.07.15 at 12.58

          • Make sure you take some pictures.

            13.07.15 at 13.57

            • you got it buddy

              13.07.15 at 14.01

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