Archive for August, 2013

Worthy

That you would make me watch
as you pleasured yourself,
knowing that I could not,
is as beautiful
as it is cruel.
That you would enjoy
it more,
because of this,
is as mean
as it is sweet.
Making me turn my back,
so I can only hear
you come,
is a godly
as it is evil.
Why is it,
that God and Satan
are always portrayed
as two separate beings,
When combined,
as one,
they would be worthy
of the worship they crave?


Your gift

Your gift arrives in the post, in a plain brown box. It is a dildo, about eight inches long. It is thick, looks just like a real cock and has a vibrating function and something I can only describe as a ‘squirm function’. With it, you send a short and simple note: “Place this in your freezer, then go out and buy some ‘hot sauce’ and await my instructions. Do NOT forget your promise. xxx” I do as you ask, my heart racing and my whole body shaking uncontrollably, as I do so.


A great wave

the last few weeks and days of my life have transformed me, like very few periods in my life ever have. maybe when my son died, or maybe when he was born, but little else in my life has caused me to define and redefine myself as much as the last few days and weeks have. i have lost friends and gained friends. i have had a punch up on the street with one of my best mates, and i have not had a punch up in decades. i have learned a lot about myself and a lot of it i wish i hadn’t. i have had to look at myself hard and admit things i don’t like. i am shallow and fickle and very selfish. i am proud and arrogant and stupid. i have had to look at myself very hard, in a way that made me realise that i am deep and serious and not what i just said. i am as stupid as i am clever. i am a walking contradiction. i can feel real and deep hurt, but i have a capacity to hurt others that exceeds that, and i do not like that about me. i’ve made new friends but lost old ones.  i have had to redefine some friendships and redefine how i see myself. i have reconnected with some and disconnected with others. i have seen people change and i have changed. ‘life is like a great wave,’ a one legged surfer’s ex once said to me, ‘try to control the wave and it will crush you, all you can do is read it and ride it’. i have grown and i have shrunk, and growing is the more painful and difficult. i have lost and i have found, and sadly i have learned more from what i have lost, although i am learning right now that if my neighbour does not turn his music down, i am going to find my cricket bat and he is going to lose some teeth.


I read your words

i read your words,
i return to them.
i read your words
again and again.

they thrill me.
they scare me.
they excite me.
they arouse me.

your power, remote.
your control, total.
your word, final.
my cock, yours.

deny me pleasure,
cause me pain.
my gift,
your choice.

if you say
come 15
times a day,
i will.

if you say
don’t come
for 15 years,
i won’t.

i read your words,
i return to them.
i read your words
again and again.


Anticipation

i stand naked in the middle of the room, blindfolded and with my hands on my head, as you asked. i hear you open the cabinet and take something out. i do not know what it is and my imagination starts to run wild. not knowing what is coming makes it seem far more frightening and you know this. i hear you slowly circle me, sometimes coming very close. minutes go by and i start to tremble with the anticipation. i think i feel something brush lightly against my skin but i can not be sure, my senses are playing tricks with my mind now. more minutes pass and despite my fear and the tears running down my cheeks, my cock is stiff and twitching. i swear i feel something touching it but i can’t be sure. i can’t even be sure which way up i am any more. you turn the music up and i know this is to drown out my screams and i tense up and start flinching uncontrollably. i can feel your hot breath on the back of my neck and smell your arousal. i can almost taste how turned on you are. i cannot believe that you would make me wait longer but you do, and it is not until you see that i am at the point of collapse that you finally do it. you kiss me.


Tomorrow

tie me up
and use me,
abuse me, please.
find my edge
and then find yours.
take us both beyond
what we know,
beyond what
we ever should.
make we wait,
make me beg,
make me cry
but most
make yourself wet
with my pain.
ask me
what things
disgust me the most
and make
me do them
for you.
do all these things,
do more,
if you will.
do more than
you thought you could,
but do it
knowing
just one thing;
tomorrow
i will do it to you.