The best thing about your birthday falling when it does, is that there is always a big fireworks display down by the river. We finish our roasted chestnuts and I stand behind you, in the crowd, my arms around you as we all stare up at the night sky.
I slip my hand inside your long coat and push my hand down inside your skirt and panties, my fingers are cold and you shiver as they slide down over the heat of your pussy. The crowd presses close and no one can see what I am doing to you, nor can they see the way I am rubbing myself against your slowly rocking ass. Even through all our clothes, you can feel how stiff I am.
The sky bursts with light and sound as I deftly rub at your, now wet, clit and the crowd gasp with each flash and bang and, unknowingly, with each of our shudders of pleasure. I get faster and you let out as long “oooh!” out of sync with crowd and a man gives you a funny look; we try our hardest not to giggle.
The crowd, press close around us, unaware of our secret pleasure, and as our orgasms rumble from deep within our beings, the display reaches its climax and the sky explodes in a long series of torrential showers of light and sound, shaking the ground, filling our noses with the smell of gunpowder as we erupt along with the crowd. I feel you tremble with each carnal sky burst, you feel me shudder and squirt into my shorts. We gasp and roar, along with the others but to our own private explosions, the fireworks a mere accompaniment to our thigh-quenching celebration.
i have the camera positioned just right and i can see you perfectly, as you spread out naked on your bed and start to stroke yourself between your legs. i just hope i’ve hidden it well enough for you not to spot it, you don’t seem to as you slide two fingers into your dripping pussy and then moisten your clit with them.
i lean into the screen to see you better and grab hold of my cock, which feels hot and desperate in my fingers. you rub yourself harder and i groan to myself at the sheer beauty of you. i long to be there with you, long for my lips to be where your fingers are, wish that i could hear your sweet moans of pleasure.
i pump my cock in time to the glorious rhythm of the rising and falling of your thrusting hips, your back arched, your fingers playing greedily with your whole pussy, plunging deep into yourself, passionately and wildly. i almost come spontaneously when you stop to take a taste of yourself and i have to slow right down so that i can come at the same time you do.
I can tell that you’re close by the way you writhe, the way your thighs shake, the way the way the fingers of your other hand dig deep into the sheets beneath you. I am close to coming too, i can feel my toes curling and my cock pulsing fiercely when, suddenly, you stop, sit up and look straight into the camera. you lean over and write something on a sheet of paper and hold it up for me to see. on it are the words ‘GET IN HERE!’ you don’t look happy and i know i am in a lot of trouble. i put my shorts on but you can still see my erection poking through when i walk through into your room. “take those ridiculous things off and stand there.” you say, gesturing to the end of the bed.
you lie back and spread your legs, raising your knees and start slipping your fingers in and out of your glistening pussy, watching how i drink in the sight with my eyes. i take hold of my throbbing member but you tell me “no” and climb onto all fours, facing me. you run a single, soaked finger down the length of my twitching prick and blow on it and then plant a tiny kiss on the tip, letting it tremble agaisnt you lips. then you open your mouth a little more, taking more of me inside you. i feel your teeth gripping it lighty and your tongue caressing it. you kneel up and face me, sliding your sweet, wet fingers over my mouth and nostrils and then throw yourself back onto the bed and bring yourself close to orgasm in front of me. in between your heavy pants and gritted screams, just before you are about to explode, you say three words to me “now, fuck me!”
- the women’s fa cup final
- kerry katona drunk on this morning
- the russian grannies on eurovision
- the news
- the weather
- photos of my ex on vacation with her new guy
- the queen’s speech (any year)
- the jeremy kyle show
- pride and prejudice (the novel, not the movie)
- sarah palin
god, how i love
looking at you.
god, how i want
just to touch you.
god, how i need
to hold you so tight.
i can’t get through the night.
god, how i love
how we have so much fun.
god, how i love
watching you come.
god, how i love
the way that we click.
god, how i love
playing with my prick.
In an empty bed,
With you on my mind
With a smile
And a hard on.
In an empty bed,
With you in my dreams
Of fucking you
Up the ass.
bash the bishop, spank the monkey,
slap the salami and tickle your pickle.
by any other name
it would be just as beautiful.
polish the pearl, pump the keg.
slam the clam and beat the meat.
by and other name
it would be just as sweet
clap your clit and flick your bean
jack off, jill off, hit the slit
whatever you call it
just fucking do it
“I didn’t know you were into horses.” I say as we enter the bedroom and I see the riding crop hung on the door.
“I’m not,” you tell me, “never been on a horse in my life. That’s for you.” You watch me undress and walk round me in slow circles, stroking me gently with the tip of the whip, enjoying my fear, teasing me, drawing out the anticipation of pain and surrender. You thrill to the sound of my whimpering as the crop stings my back and thighs and belly, you giggle at my flinching at each burning strike. You stand close, close enough for me to feel your heat, the gorgeous smell of your pussy wafting into my mind, telling me how hot this makes you. I can feel your erect nipples against my bare back as you whisper in my ear “You know what I want to hear?” I nod and say “Yes. You want to hear me scream.”
“That’s right,” you grin, “I wanna hear you squeal like a stuck pig.” and we both know you will “You know what I want to hear more?” you murmur and I don’t so you tell me. “I want to hear you beg me to stop. I want you to beg knowing that I won’t.” You have me raise my arms over my head so that I can’t protect myself from the rain of biting leather that pours down on my trembling flesh.”Had enough?” you smile sweetly, wiping a tear from my eye and I nod meekly “Then why do you have such an erection?” you giggle, stroking the tip of the riding crop gently down the full length of my twitching member.”Your mouth says ‘no’ but your cock says ‘more’.” You order me to stand perfectly still as you bring the leather down hard on my stiff prick, making it bounce in the cold evening air and drawing a shriek from me and you slip your other hand down between your legs, wetting your swollen clit with the juice from your pussy and slipping your fingers into my mouth before striking my cock again.
“Make yourself come.” you tell me and I grab hold of my cock and begin to stroke it up and down, feeling my orgasm rise quickly through me like jungle fires and as I start to come, you bring the crop down hard on my balls, knocking the air out of me and dropping me to the floor. Pain and pleasure mix as adrenaline and endorphins course through my whole frame, making me dizzy, the two opposing sensations competing in my soul as my body curls up and cum splashes over me.
I am still getting my breath back when you lay back on the bed and push my head between your legs. As the intensity of your orgasm consumes you, so the intensity of the blows on my back and butt grows stronger, my muffled yelps vibrating your whole pussy and giving you an orgasm that shakes your whole body, the cries of your pleasure mixing with mine of pain.
you position the mirror against the wall, so you can see me gasp as you enter me, but first you make me lick it and take it in my mouth. the other end of the strap-on rubs against your clit as you push it hard down my throat and you moan softly with primitive pleasure as you tell me to turn around and get on all fours.
you fuck me slowly at first but deeply and call me names and tell me i’m your whore, asking me to repeat it and i do. each thrust of your hips gets you hotter and wetter and when you reach around and grab my dick, you squeal with delight to find that its stiff and twitching, that i like you fucking me. you are possessed with an almost animal lust as your passion rises and your clit throbs, your sweet juices running down your thighs, my gasps mingling with your panting, your guttural cries of pleasure, as you fill me over and over. i feel your orgasm shudder through you like an electric storm, shaking you, shaking me, rocking the bed. you make me come at the same time, pushing my head forward and down so that i get a face full of my own cum.
afterwards we lay in each others arms and kiss and giggle and you ask if i have any fantasies we can live out too, and i tell you that we just did. i suggest that you have me suck it afterwards next time and you slap me and tell me i am outrageously disgusting, but i see the twinkle in your eye, i know what you are thinking.
I am honoured and delighted to have nominated myself for ‘The Total Dick Award’
The rules are simple:
- Thank the nominee and tell them why you think they deserve The Total Dick Award.
- Share ten things about yourself that demonstrate what a Total Dick you are.
- Nominate other Total Dicks.
Thank you Kyle:
You deserve this award as much as I do, and I could never have done it without you. It is your ridiculously over-inflated ego, that has, so justifiably, earned you this award. The way that, when you make love to a beautiful woman, you close your eyes and imagine you are masturbating, the way you award yourself awards, it all adds up to make you the perfect recipient of The Total Dick Award. Congratulations!
- I get a semi every time I get a new follower. Once I got four new followers in five minutes and almost came.
- I once had sext with two women at once, without either of them knowing about the other. I’d given them both the same nicknames so I could cut and paste a lot of what I wrote. We all came at the same time and it was pretty cool, but its not something I guess I should be proud of.
- When I was in the army, I went out with this barmaid called Pamela. She had one leg longer than the other (although it might have been that one leg was shorter, I can’t remember). It didn’t bother me one bit, but all my mates laughed and took the piss and I finished with her because I was too weak to take the peer pressure – I feel bad about that, to this day.
- I was an internet sex slave. For two weeks. To this incredible woman from Florida or Virginia or one of those states. She had me write her sado-masochistic tales like this one and this one and one about castration that was too frightful to ever publish. She also had me take photo’s of me doing painful and humiliating things to myself. It was all a lot of fun but two weeks in I got bored, met someone nice and decided to end it.
- I’m not actually ashamed of that last one. I am, however, ashamed that I am not ashamed of it.
- I once wrote some erotica for a fellow blogger to post on her blog as her own, and she repaid me by sending me some really naughty pictures of herself. Not ashamed of that one either, if I’m honest.
- I once sucked someone’s cock for a gram of coke.
- I volunteer at a homeless shelter for one week a year. People say that its because I’m a nice guy but that’s bullshit. The fact is that there are three times as many female volunteers as there are male volunteers. I might enjoy volunteering and I might think it worthwhile, but I do it primarily to meet pussy.
- I once accepted money to pretend to be someone’s boyfriend.
- When I was about 17, I let this girl bully me. I didn’t have to, but she was hot and being beaten up by her turned me on.
- I am a terrible liar, and two of these things are not true.
I’m not going to nominate anyone for this award, I don’t think any of you deserve it. If anyone wants to nominate themselves though, I’d love to see that…
words are your lover
words are hot
words turn you on –
throb and fill you up
words get you wet –
make you come at night
words hold you close
words have you beg –
make you their whore
the thermometer is reading ninety-fucking-mental and slow, lazy lines of sweat trickle down your body, tracing the curves of your breasts and belly and thighs in long, slow lines. i follow them with my mouth, saline dribbles wet against my lips. i chase a little rivulet down your spine to its tip with my tongue.
i kneel and pull your cheeks apart and watch as the tiny droplet of sweat slides slowly down between them. you start to touch yourself as the tip of my tongue meets the bead of sweat and i feel you quiver at the feather-light touch of my lips on your ass. i kiss you like i would kiss your mouth, luxuriously and wet. your hips thrust and delirious moans explode from your chest and, as your orgasm builds, i feel you twitch and relent and i push my tongue into you as you come. sweat pours down you, in the heat of your passion and the day, as my hands clasp your butt cheeks greedily as my tongue plunges deep into you and you shudder and scream as you orgasm blasts through your whole body like a thousand tiny firecrackers dancing through your every nerve.
after, we collapse in a hot and sticky heap, we grin and hug and remind each other just how much we love each other.
i turn up at your workplace, no flowers or chocolates, just a grin on my face. i want to know if you have a stationery cupboard. you giggle and blush, but you lead me there anyway.
inside, i push you roughly against the steel shelving and the foolscap foldering and drop to my knees. i lift your skirt and pull down your already dripping panties and start to kiss your waiting pussy. my tongue laps at you hungrily and your lust grows inside you and your hands grip tighter at the shaky steel scaffolding of our metal and cardboard love nest. paper clips begin to rattle in their boxes, soft, shiny leaf holders quiver in their coloured cases. staples shudder and hole punchers grind as your orgasm rises and your knees tremble in time with the thrusting of your pussy, and the rattling of the loose, grey shelving, as you fuck my face, folder holders and post its fall and flutter around your face mirroring the vivid tingling of your orgasm as you grit your teeth and savour the rushes of your pussy as your whole soul is washed with wave after wave of hot, bursting shudders. you bite your lip hard to stop yourself calling my name, so hard that you leave the only tell-tale sign of our liason, a tiny drop of love red blood on my shaven head.
your workmate doesn’t notice it when he knocks on the door and all he sees when he comes in is me, on all fours, helping you find your contact lens.
i ask you if i can get a stamp for my parking permit. with a giggle and a wink, you tell me, “not a fucking chance.”
i guess i’m a bit of an exhibitionist. i’ve always been turned on by the idea of being watched whilst performing a sexual act, particularly masturbation. so, i’m thrilled when i see that you’ve installed a hidden video camera in my room and decide to put on a real show for you.
i kneel naked in the middle of the bed, making sure that i am in the camera’s field of view, and start stroking myself gently. I am already erect and use just my finger and thumb so you can see its full, twitching length. i look away from the camera, i don’t want you to think that i know you are watching me. i pour lotion over my chest and belly. it is creamy and white and suggestive as i work it into my body, before drizzling more in thick rivulets over the tip of my bulging cock, rubbing it in with long slow pumps of my fist, letting it dribble over and through my fingers.
i take my time and lean back, my chest rising and falling rapidly as my breath quickens. i hold my hand still and let my hips do the work and my orgasm rises suddenly and explosively, shaking the bed and drawing a long satisfied moan from my lips as cum shoots in long thick streaks from my thrashing cock. i mouth your name as i come, not wanting to be too obvious and hope that you’re recording this in good enough quality to see my cum squirt and dribble over and down my shuddering chest and belly, running stickily through my fingers. my orgasm fades in long eye-watering gasps and i lift my head and slip three cum covered fingers into my mouth, tasting them and letting a little drip over my lip and down my chin before collapsing back onto the bed, a quivering, panting mess.
the next day you explain that you suspect the cleaner of stealing and have put hidden cameras around the place in the hope of catching him out. you smile and wink, before heading off to work.
i can tell by the way your friends giggle and whisper that they have all seen it. i should be mortified by this but i am, in fact, thrilled. i guess i’m a bit of an exhibitionist.
I thought it was a sweet idea at first, a way to reduce the thousands of miles that separated us, a way to bring us closer. You wanted me to promise not to touch myself until you said so, and I did. At first I thought you would just make me wait until the end of that day or maybe into the next, but you really liked the power, enjoyed the feel of my burning desire.
It was a full week before I first begged. You giggled as you shook your head, aroused by how my longing grew stronger each day, thrilled by how easily you could get me erect. You teased me mercilessly, taunting me with pictures of you wearing nearly nothing and calling me day and night, moaning and panting into the mouthpiece, telling me what you were doing to yourself, letting me hear you come, knowing exactly how wild you were driving me and loving every tantalising second of it.
Eventually you told me how long you intended to keep me waiting, saying something about a birthday treat. I grinned from ear to ear, my birthday was only days away. “Not your birthday, silly,” you giggled wickedly, “mine.”
i want to write
something dirty to you
make you come with my words
i really do
line by line
and letter by letter
every pulsating word
making you wetter
each dripping syllable
thrilling you more
touch yourself with my words
be my filthy word whore
She was as pretty as a dumpster full of sunsets and had breasts that I would have happily chewed my own elbows off, for nothing more than a glance at them unleashed, for nothing more than a description of them.
In bed she was a let down, she didn’t like all the squishy noises we made, refused to suck me off or let me come on her tits and wouldn’t kiss me after I went down on her.
After she had fallen asleep, I pulled back the covers and jacked-off to her magnificent tits. It was the 14th best wank I’d ever had.
We went out together for nearly a year. In the end she ran off with my best friend. Even after all these years, I still miss him.
facebook goes bleep
my heart skips
i look up
my finger clicks
my trousers twitch
2:11:29 AM you: … does that make you want come?
2:11:31 AM me: holy fuck yeah!!! wow!!!
2:11:49 AM you: Tell me how much.
Tell me how much you want to come.
2:12:00 AM me: i dont want to come – i NEED to come
more than i need to breathe
more than need to eat
more than i need to see the sun
how much i need to come
more than i need shelter
more than i need clothes
over any fun
how much i need to come
2:13:13 AM you: Wow!
2:13:15 AM me: can i?
2:27:48 AM you: No!
I lay back and you mount me, rising and falling, my hands on your breasts, your sides your hips. You moan and gasp, your breath quickening and you slip your fingers between your legs and start to rub at your clit as my cock pushes deep into you. You brush my lips with your sweet wet fingers, letting me taste you, slipping them in and out of my mouth in time to the increasing rhythm of your pumping hips and then back to your steaming pussy.
You shudder with delight as your orgasm begins to bubble up volcanically from deep inside you and I shake and pant as you stop rising and falling and sink down onto me, the full length of my cock inside you. You tell me not to move, not an inch and not to come, just to watch as you do, as you pin me there and rub harder and more luxuriously at your gleaming, hot pussy. I feel your orgasm crash through you, your pussy contacting around my pulsating cock with each body-rocking spasm of pleasure, my cock feeling every wave of your climax, watching your open mouth and half closed eyes locked onto mine, listening to your blissful cries.
I lie still, trembling with desire, desperate to come as you climb off me and tell me to bring myself as close to orgasm as I can then stop. I do. You ask how close I am and I tell you “Just seconds away.”
“Closer,” you say, “much closer, get so close that all it would take to make you come would be my fingers stroking your chest, so close that all I would have to do would be whisper your name or kiss you and you would come.” I stroke gently, teasing myself towards orgasm until I can feel it deep inside about to rush through my soul like a swollen dam and I stop, let go of myself and lie there a shaking mess, my breath fast and hot.
You whisper my name and plant your lips on mine and as we kiss, I come, my cock bouncing free on my belly, jets of thick white cum painting us as my orgasm bursts through me and over me in deep carnal quakes, leaving me spent and happy and with you in my arms.
Cuddles could make himself come, just by thinking about it. It was his party trick, well one of them. He’d whip it out, put his hands on his head and close his eyes. Then after about two or three minutes, he’d ejaculate. I was really quite impressive but he wasn’t always very appropriate with it and we got kicked out of several restaurants, two children’s playgrounds and a zoo.
I asked him once what it was he thought about when he did it. “You, you ugly cunt.” he said.
contributed by a mystery, guest blogger – thank you
a thought for you to go to sleep with….you,
naked, in bed, take yourself in your hands, gently,
think of me, smile, and if you must…then do…
with my blessings. for me though, not for you….
say my name as you splatter your dreams…i will hear you
are shy and pull the sheet up around your neck, but I can see where your other hand is, see it moving, see what you are doing to yourself.
am not shy and kneel naked and erect between your thighs stroking the length of my thrashing cock, watching you watch me. You rub at yourself a little faster and smile and moan lightly, gripping me with your thighs.
slide the sheet down to just above your nipples, your hips beginning to rock up and down, and I can hear the gentle lapping of your fingers washing over your dark, hot pussy.
tell you what I want you to do and you oblige, slipping your hand out from under the sheet and brushing your sweet, wet fingers over my waiting lips.
let go of the sheet and take hold of my shaft, squeezing it sweetly, with your painted, dark fingers, feeling it throb and twitch in your grasp.
pull at the sheet and you let go and grab it, shaking your head, cheekily.
know what I want to do and don’t even have to ask.
know what you want me to do and I nod and smile in agreement.
let go and grab hold of me again, letting the soft cotton glide down over your breast and belly, letting me see how hard you are touching yourself, letting me drink in your pleasure.
reach down between your legs and start to stroke at your wetness, slipping my fingers into you and over you and round you, feeling your orgasm rise from deep inside you, your back arching, your mouth open, your eyes half closed in ecstasy, loud, animal moans and my name on your lips.
stroke me faster feeling my cock throb and pulsate and my body shudder as my orgasm breaks over me like an ocean wave.
come in long thick physical gasps, my cum splashing softly onto your breast, my body shaking, your name escaping from me in between my trembling gasps.
come and scream and watch as I lick my cum from your soft, quivering breasts.