You give my soul a hard-on
you give my soul a hard-on,
you make my heart erect,
my being throb and pulsate,
my very core erupt.
you make my psyche tingle,
you make my mind inflate,
my life force squirt and dribble,
my spirit ejaculate.
Just while i finish…
i had to go to the doctor’s today – i hate it, the depression of the waiting room, the risk of catching a cold, all the posters reminding me of all the horrible diseases and afflictions, i could, and probably will end up getting. most of all, i hate the wait. i know they’re busy and the service is stretched, but to be surrounded by miserable looking fuckers, coughing and sneezing over me is just a shitty way to spend the best part of a morning – thank fuck i’ve got minecraft on my phone, at least.
eventually, i get to see my doctor. she is a hot young asian woman, and, thanks to the recent mild weather, is displaying a cleavage that i could happily spend six months in. this makes discussing personal matters rather awkward, and after several minutes watching her staring, uncomfortably, at her computer display, she turns to me and breaks the news. “i’m very sorry mr mew, but you are going to have to stop masturbating.” i’m flabbergasted.
“what?” i exclaim, “why?” my world collapsing around me, “forever?”
“no, not forever, mr mew,” she sighs, almost scowling, “just while i finish examining you.”
Nothing sexier
there is nothing
sexier for me,
than a woman
writing dirty poetry.
Everyfuckingwhere
i wanna lick you
everyfuckingwhere.
lick your shoulders
and your neck,
lick your feet,
and lick your hair.
lick your belly
and your toes,
lick your asshole,
lick your nose.
lick your chin
and lick your back,
lick your nostrils,
lick your crack.
lick your ears
and your eyes,
lick your pussy,
lick your thighs.
lick your knees
and your armpits,
lick your elbows,
lick your tits.
Oh God
oh god!
how i love your eyes,
and your tits,
and your thighs.
oh god!
how i love your toes,
and your butt,
and your nose,
and god!
how i love your armpits
as much
as i love your tits.
oh god!
how i love your ass,
like a cow
loves the grass.
but god!
how i love your tits,
but i
already said this.
Amazing
There are just some people, who, without really possessing any amazing qualities, are nevertheless, amazing. Usually this is because they think they are, when they are not. Perhaps this immense sense of self denial, is what actually makes them amazing.
I just had a brief conversation with a woman I met coming back from the store, who was such a creature. We bumped into each other because I was not really looking where I was going, my mind on other things, and this resulted in the very English tradition of us both apologising repeatedly to each other. Why was she amazing? Because despite being older even than I am and having let her body go, to chips and KFC many decades ago, and looking like a poorly strung up sausage, she was dressed as though she were Beyonce. Fish-nets, mini-skirt and so much cleavage on display, that if i were to attempt to bare that much flesh, I would have to strip naked, and probably twice.
For the moment of conversation we shared, I got the impression that she was a thoroughly nice old girl. Not bright, but friendly and open and nice, and as she waddled off in front of me, shovelling chips into her mouth, between gulps of White Ass Cider, I wondered and marvelled at human nature and our ability to delude ourselves.
Then I thought about myself: 50, still with a mohawk and sporting bright camo-pants and wondered how ridiculous I must look. I was too scared to actually answer the question but then two 20 something hotties walked past me and giggled. So I got my answer anyway.
I arrived home with the feeling that we can all be amazing, if we are only brave and stupid enough to try.
Reward and punishment
i long for your rewards,
i fear your punishment.
your control is total
and obedience guaranteed.
but what will you ask?
how much of me
will you demand?
will you push me to my limits?
will you test your own?
i do not know.
how dark is your imagination?
or how far you will go?
i just know,
i want you to take me there.
I read your words
i read your words,
i return to them.
i read your words
again and again.
they thrill me.
they scare me.
they excite me.
they arouse me.
your power, remote.
your control, total.
your word, final.
my cock, yours.
deny me pleasure,
cause me pain.
my gift,
your choice.
if you say
come 15
times a day,
i will.
if you say
don’t come
for 15 years,
i won’t.
i read your words,
i return to them.
i read your words
again and again.
Anticipation
i stand naked in the middle of the room, blindfolded and with my hands on my head, as you asked. i hear you open the cabinet and take something out. i do not know what it is and my imagination starts to run wild. not knowing what is coming makes it seem far more frightening and you know this. i hear you slowly circle me, sometimes coming very close. minutes go by and i start to tremble with the anticipation. i think i feel something brush lightly against my skin but i can not be sure, my senses are playing tricks with my mind now. more minutes pass and despite my fear and the tears running down my cheeks, my cock is stiff and twitching. i swear i feel something touching it but i can’t be sure. i can’t even be sure which way up i am any more. you turn the music up and i know this is to drown out my screams and i tense up and start flinching uncontrollably. i can feel your hot breath on the back of my neck and smell your arousal. i can almost taste how turned on you are. i cannot believe that you would make me wait longer but you do, and it is not until you see that i am at the point of collapse that you finally do it. you kiss me.
Feral heart
She is totally feral, a child of the forest. Abandoned at birth and brought up by wolves and wild creatures, nurtured by the trees themselves, nursed by raw nature. She knows nothing of civilisation, and her language is her own, her nouns are bird calls, her verbs are chatters and howls. She eats berries and roots and sometimes, raw flesh.
She sits on a high branch looking down at the boy, fascinated. He has no idea she is there. He is clearly lost, and frightened, with no knowledge of the forest or her lore. He sits beneath her sobbing and calling out in his strange tongue, scared and lonely.
She has had dealings with the humans before. Once, their men captured her and caged her and prodded and poked at her with strange, ugly tools. Escaping from them was a cinch and she remembers how she scampered up one of their silly, closed in, little dwellings and how she threw her shit at them before leaping back to her forest home where her walls breathed with life and her ceiling glittered with starlight. She sniffs deeply, there is a storm brewing and she makes a little chirping sound in her throat, calling the rain, it is her magic and she believes the rain calls back to her – and maybe it does.
The boy is not like those men, he seems fragile and sad. He starts, violently when she drops from the tree, gracefully, almost silently, in front of him, his eyes wide and terrified at the sight of her. She is naked and filthy, her hair matted and locked, her body caked in the earth she grew from. She stinks. The storm grows closer and she calls to it again and stares, enthralled, at him, tilting her head from side to side, curious and aroused. The first drops of rain bounce at their feet and thunder makes a distant rumble and she responds with a guttoral chatter, telling the thunder where she is, how to find her. The boy looks scared at this, to him she sounds like a crazed monkey, but there is a greed in his eyes that is stronger than the fear. He is young and never known a woman or even seen one naked.
The feel of his hungry gaze on her breasts and belly excites her. The wild orphan takes a step closer to him and reaches out. Clothes are a mystery to her and she tugs clumsily at his shirt and trousers wanting to free him, driven by instinct and passion. By the time she has him naked, the rain is beating, in hard, heavy, drops onto them and around them. Animals scream loudly in awe at the growing tempest and the forest quakes at its power. The girl knows nothing of social mores or decorum and she licks at the boy and sniffs him, takes him in her hand and makes him take her in his.
Furious raindrops burst around them and lightning flashes across the sky and through their eyes and hearts and loins. She beckons him to enter her and he does so, hurridly with the virgin impatience of youth. She claws at him, her nails digging carelessly into his flesh and she howls at the black sky as the rain turns dust to mud and they drench themselves in it and each other.
When they are done, it is not for long as giant raindrops now batter their shaking bodies, not allowing their desires to rest, awakening every little nerve, every sinew, the thunder shaking the ground beneath them. Their eyes meet and lock and, for the first time, she smiles at him. She wants more and mounts him and they begin afresh, this time the rain beats so heavily on them that it is hard for them to breath and they spit and fire, dripping with animal fury. She likes this thing she will call ‘men’ she will seek out more of them and the idea of several of them at once fills her imagination, she wants to be smothered with these hands, full of their lust, covered in their disgusting pleasure. Lightning strikes so close that the ground beneath them jumps and she throws her head back and howls so primally that for that moment the entire jungle is quiet for her, even the storm itself hushes as she yells.
Sudenlly she senses movement nearby, there are others and they smell human and not like her boy, there is something ugly and violent to their stench and she forces herself away from her desire and glances in their direction. She cannot know that it is the boy’s father and mother and the ranger.
“There he is!” shouts the boys father.
“Christ!” screams his mother, “He’s being attacked by something! Do something!” she pleads to the ranger, “Do something!”
The ranger’s bullet passes through her feral heart and lodges in a nearby tree. She collapses, lifeless, onto her lover’s chest.
Just before I come
So, she says she wants to do me in the ass with this giant strap-on with a vibrating gizmo at her end. Now, I like to please but this is a little bit outside my usual modus operandi, and I’m a bit wary, considering the size of this thing. “Okay?” I enquire, “How are you gonna make that feel good for me?”
“Tell you what,” she suggests, “how about, just before I come, I stop punching you in the balls?”
Some award or other
thank you audrina of audrina1759’s blog and Maarit-Johanna of history of the ancient world for nominating me for some award or other. normally i don’t do the award thing but i’m so flattered to be nominated by these women, as their blogs are just wonderful, that i will make an exception.
the rules are as follows:
- tell seven things about yourself
- nominate 487 other bloggers
- that’s it, i think
seven things about me:
- i haven’t had sex since february
- i haven’t had coffee since 9:30
- i fantasise about posting pictures of my dick on this blog but have never had the guts
- i know how to measure the speed of light with a microwave and some proccessed cheese
- i am going to masturbate to the gravatar pictures of anyone who likes or comments on this post – you have been warned
- minds turn me on more than bodies
- i sneezed so hard this morning that my glasses flew off and landed in the toilet bowl
- an ex once super-glued my hand to my cock in my sleep
- i have only recently learned that women get sexier and more beautiful as they get older
- i can’t count to seven
- three of these things are not true (but this might be one of them)
nominations:
i’m afraid i can’t nominate anyone as i never actually read any of the shite you guys write.
from now on i will only be accepting nominations for awards if they come accompanied by pictures of the nominee’s bare breasts or cum drenched pricks – ideally both.
thank you again to audrina1759 and Maarit-Johanna for nominating me, and if you do not already follow these girls, do so now, or i will have you killed.
Pirates
i asked a friend,
a she,
why she wanted
so much
to be by the sea.
it makes me
feel free,
she said to me,
i want an island
and to swim you see?
i get that,
i said,
but tell me now,
why an island,
not an archipelago?
it could be
an isthmus
or a peninsular,
i don’t give a fuck,
as long we arepirates building
in the sand,
salt in our hair,
your cock
in my hand.
All hail the vagina
I wish I could remember where I found this image (if you know please tell me). Truth is, its true. Women never came from a man’s ribs – sorry but that’s gotta be the silliest thing I ever heard – we came from a woman’s vagina.