you tube

Cheat

i told my girlfriend that i would never cheat on her. not even if sarah silverman

and helen arney

both turned up on my doorstep, having a fight about which one of them got to fuck me first.

she thinks that’s really sweet. well… she does now… she won’t when she reads this and realises that, actually, if that ever did happen, then there is no way that i’d turn down a threesome with arney and silverman, they are two of the sexiest and funniest women on the planet.

sorry hon…


Najibia

a while back i posted a clip on you tube. within minutes they had taken it down and sent me a note warning me that if i posted anything like it again they would suspend, or even delete, my account. it was fair enough, you could see my dick in the video and i understood why you tube reacted the way they did, i mean you wouldn’t want children stumbling across content like that.

i understood, until yesterday that is, when someone sent me link to a you tube clip of a woman being shot repeatedly at point blank, in the back of the head, with an assault rifle, while a bunch of men and boys stood around cheering and praising god. apparently this was a punishment killing and her “crime” was adultery. although, when i read up a bit on the story it seems that by adultery what they actually meant was that she had been raped.

this wasn’t a movie. it happened. it happened yesterday. her name was najibia. the man that carried on firing 7.62 mm rounds into her lifeless body was her “husband” – i put that in quotes because that sure as fucking hell ain’t what i mean by the word.

you tube haven’t taken the clip down and i don’t have to revisit the page to know that they won’t. when i saw it, just hours after having been posted, it had received around 100,000 hits.

its good to know that you tube have got their priorities straight. here’s hoping that they continue to keep pictures of penises off the internet for many years to come.


Reblog: Will I be pretty?


Today

today everyone looks beautiful
today everyone looks sad
and beautiful
today i got bad news
today i said “fuck it”
today i feel like i could love the world
and not care
if it broke my heart a million times.

i love this song, it was an ‘our song’ once, long ago, for a girl who’s name i don’t even remember.
that’s a lie, i remember.
hello floss, hope you are well and happy and surrounded by people who love you, i am, i learned that today.

tomorrow my life starts anew.


As free as a little bird

Crying is like pooing, if you don’t do it regularly, it really hurts.

I learned this from Ricky Gervais of all people on when he was on Desert Island Discs. One of the songs he chose, he chose because it made him cry. I didn’t get it at all, I was baffled. Why would he want to make himself cry, especially when he was stuck on a desert island? Then I realised, he is comfortable with all his emotions, not just the happy ones and I became sad because I realised that I was not like that but wished that I could be.

I’m not sure quite how it happened, gradually, I guess, by not changing the station when a sad song came on or switching channels when a movie made me want to cry, and slowly I started to feel comfortable with more of me, feel fuller as a person.

Lee hall puts it much better in his fantastic and heartbreaking radio play about faith, love and death Spoonface Steinberg. I made a little clip of the first two minutes. It says what I feel better than I ever could.

the saddest things fill you up. like, in a big way and you feel so full as in no happiness can bring such.


Lucky

The lyrics to this song make me a little bit sad but mostly they make me realise how lucky I am.

You are not alone tonight,
Imagine me there by your side.
It’s so hard to be here so far away from you,
I’m counting the days till
I’m finally done,
I’m counting them down
One by one.


Sweeter than Ben and Jerry

vibrant
vi·brant /ˈvībrənt/
Adjective:

1. Full of energy and enthusiasm.
2. Quivering; pulsating: “She was vibrant with lust”.
3. Pulsing or throbbing with energy or activity
4. Vigorous, lively, and vital

I’ll be damned if this isn’t the sexiest video I’ve ever seen. Now, I don’t mean sexy, as in it gives me a hard-on (although it always seems to coax a semi out of me), I mean sexy as in how it has my jaw dropping and my tongue lolling out.

I know it might not be politically correct, that its just a lot of bare female flesh being cavorted in front of the camera, that maybe it objectifies women, but I disagree with that, and I’ve never been one to give a flying fuck what the politically correct brigade think anyway. I just think this gorgeous video celebrates womanhood.

Let’s face it, we all know, that in our species, women are the sexy ones. Men know it and women know it. You know it and I know it. In a lot of other species it is different, Peacocks are sexier than Peahens for example, and with lots of other animals, its the male that does most of the sexual flaunting. Just not so with us, and I celebrate and adore that fact. Look at the women in this video, they are enjoying being sexy, half of them can’t stop smiling, and they all look like they understand the power that their beauty holds. Listen to the lyrics too, this is a love song and as good a celebration of femininity as I’ve ever heard.

I look on the rhythmic swaying of all that thigh and belly and cleavage, not so much with lust but, in the way I might gaze upon a beautiful sunset or waterfall: with awe, as I behold one of nature’s most beautiful works.

And let’s face it, he’s pretty hot too.


More hood than Little Red Riding

a lot of people are surprised when i tell them i am into rap music. its not that i agree with the hate-filled opinions that a lot of rap expresses, its because i think rappers, especially gangsta rappers, are sweet. they are like my best friend’s little four year old boy. they think its clever to use rude words and act all tough. they are all ego and little else, and, like toddlers, i want to give them all a cuddle and a wowwipop.

i like also the fact that rappers are not quite who they think they are, not quite as anti-establishment as they would like to believe. i have always been told that some of the basic tenants of hip-hop are breaking, bombing and rapping, but to me that equates with dancing, painting and poetry. tell me if i’ve got it wrong, but round here dance, painting and poetry are considered rather white, middle-classed pursuits.

and, people seem confuse rappers with gangsters and i don’t understand why. gangsters are criminals, they do awful things and they tend to spend a lot of their time in prison, or dead. rappers, on the other hand, are performers, they spend their time in recording studios and big mansions. it amazes me that so many people cannot see the difference. i don’t know if its true or not, but someone once told me that although NWA may well have met in LA, it wasn’t on the streets of compton or inglewood, but in drama school. i find that rather easy to believe.

don’t get me wrong, i abhor all the women hating, the homophobia and the cop hating that rap music espouses, but then i am a grown up. nevertheless i love rap music, i love its brash ugliness, its complete lack of emotional maturity, its blatant desire to shock and upset. i love its raw power and its fuck you attitude. at the end of the day rappers are like little children, sweet, adorable and in need of our protection.

music is part of the human soul and is as old as our species. many scientists now believe that we were singing before we were talking. we will never know if that is right but i would bet my bottom dollar that if we went back far enough that there would’ve been angry music before there was pretty music.

check this guy out:

isn’t he just adorable? did you see him head-butt the ram? what a sweeedeee! couldn’t you just pick him up and kiss him?


The book is always better than the movie

They say that the book is always better than the movie and I guess that’s true. I think that its something that applies to life as well and that makes me kinda sad.

You see, I think that Kyle Mew – the book is better than the real thing. Its all about words, see, and I can do things with words. I can make you laugh with my words, I can make men stiff and women wet with my words. I can write big, long, erect and throbbing words that would make you gasp in anticipation. My words can stay erect all night and make you come over and over again. I could knock out a horse with my words and fill a bathtub with their issue. I fear that after my words, the real me would be a disappointment.

As for Kyle Mew – The Movie. Well, like all men, the first thing I did when I got a web-cam was film myself masturbating. I think its pretty good, the plot is a tad predictable but I like the way I’ve used super-slo-mo for the ejaculation scene. I will never understand why it has only ever had three views on You Tube


Just a band!?

I love this cunt.