Missing
Mr Mew has gone missing.
From the note he left, we believe he has been abducted by aliens; the note read “help! i am being abducted by aliens!”
My name is Ertha Bucket and I have been hired as a temp to maintain this, so called, weblog during Kyle’s absence and probable recuperation.
Let me tell you something, there are going to be a lot of changes round here. I’ve read your about page Mr Mew, and I know full well why you type in lower case, and let me say that I think it is disgusting. There will be plenty of capitalisation while I am in charge, and there will be NO MASTURBATING WHATSOEVER and that goes for you, the reader, too. If you want to condemn yourself to hell, then you can find somewhere else to continue your sorry, depraved journey. I have never so much as even touched myself below my own navel and when I once caught a glance (accidentally) of my own vagina in a mirror, I was almost sick.
I will be posting pictures of cute kittens with funny captions and maybe some recipes on how to make decent marmalade and probably some morally enhancing passages from The Bible.
I have been asked to look through Mr Mew’s recent drafts and post anything I find there. I will of course censor it and remove any profanities and sexual content that is any more explicit than kissing, between married couples, and I have to say I find that rather filthy, but I do try to be modern.
Thank you for visiting this weblog, please continue to do so, and I will do my very best to keep you all thoroughly entertained. I am now going to have a look at your weblogs. I am sure that they are all very sweet and uplifting and not like some of the perverted debauchery I have found here or on Mr Mew’s laptop computer today when I opened a folder who’s title I had misread and had thought it was called ‘Prom’, expecting to see romantic pictures of him and his childhood sweetheart.
Take care everyone. It is delightful to meet you all and I am glad to make your acquaintances.
Yours, most terribly sincerely,
Mrs. E. Bucket.
kyle mew 