Posts tagged “blogger awards

I don’t do awards

I don’t do the blog award thing any more. I did some maths and it turns out, with over seventy-two-million WordPress blogs, that if one blogger nominates seven other bloggers, and so on, then within three months, we will have all been nominated 715 times. There is something of the chain letter about this that I don’t like.

Now don’t get me  wrong, I feel so very flattered, when someone nominates me for a blogger award. I love to have my ego stroked, although, if I’m honest, I prefer to have my ego sucked, and then licked clean while I watch you stroke your ego.

Now, I swear I will never do this again, but the wonderful Bird, of some site somewhere, nominated me for the “Some bloody Award or Whatever” award, and just because she is so awesome, I will respond… Ok the rules are, I have to say seven things about me and then nominate some other bloggers or some such shit. Ok…

Shit about me:

  1. You already know all there is to know about me.
  2. I write books on how to write apps for smartphones, but can’t operate my own.
  3. I really do masturbate over your gravatar pics (some I laminate, so I can reuse them).
  4. I don’t understand why WordPress thinks that “blog” and “bloggers” are spelling mistakes but “bloogers” isn’t.
  5. I don’t really know how to write – I just blag it  – I failed my English O Level, I was high on mushrooms.
  6. I am crap. at; punctuation.
  7. There are a lot of great authors that I’ve never read.
  8. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 19.
  9. I’ve been making up for it ever since.
  10. I don’t care for the number seven.
  11. I wanna make you laugh
  12. and cry
  13. and sing and dance
  14. and come
  15. over and over again.

I’m  not gonna nominate anyone. I would like to, but I never actually read the shit you folk write. Nevertheless, I want o give a shout out to two fantastic blogs:

She Shine On: fantastic, sexy and clever poetry.

Diirrty: naughty and witty and raw and, well, dirty.

Read them, follow them and love them, or I will have you killed.

Something sad happened tonight, I lost someone – a friend of mine’s dicksplash husband got them so in debt that she had her phone and internet cut off. I will miss her and I felt like not blogging at all… but life goes on, eh?

This post is for her x

Versatile Blogger Awards

It seems I missed the point of the versatile blogger award thingy… I need to write seven things about myself and nominate 15-20 other bloggers. This will be difficult as there are only six things I know about myself and every blog I follow is too good not to nominate.

Ok, seven things about me:

  1. I have a tiny penis.
  2. I have not had a drink in nearly five years.
  3. I do not support Arsenal.
  4. I have a thing for Australian women.
  5. They do not have a thing for me.
  6. I like sad stories
  7. I do not know seven things about myself

Here are my nominees for the versatile blogger award – in no particular order .