Posts tagged “blogging

show us ya tits!

i have to say just how lovely it is to have received so many messages asking me to return to blogging. i am deeply flattered.  i truly don’t believe that i am anywhere near as good at writing as some of you make out, but thank you nonetheless. reading your messages made a huge difference to my sense of self worth and my faith in my own skills. thank you all so much (you know who you are).

i was as perplexed as i was delighted to read that people think that i am deep, and as a reflection of such imagined depths, can i say this? send me a photo of your tits and i’ll start posting again.

 

love you all (hehe)


Laptop in for repair

With my laptop gone
I’ll get no posts done
But I’ve still got my phone
And its a smart one
So I could write a poem
And sit in the sun
But I can’t be fucked


Lofty

so you really don’t read any other blogs?

sure i do!!
some
sometimes
yours, obviously
a few others

isn’t that kinda arrogant?

i guess
my friend sally calls me ‘lofty’

haha – why?

its a nickname

i get that you dumb cunt – why?

she says i’m aloof

you are

you are boring me now – bye


The Window

“Okay, I think you should begin by logging out of Facebook.” my therapist explains.
“Oh, I do.” I say, “Every time I go out, or have to work or have friends round, I log out.”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” she says, knowing what pain her next words will cause me, “I want you to log out of Facebook permanently. You need to deactivate your account.”
“But why?” I stammer. She looks up from her notes, straight at me.
“You need to wean yourself off the internet, Kyle. We discussed this in your last session.”
“All of it?” I implore, knowing the answer before I hear it.
“Yes Kyle. All of it.”
“Even WordPress?”
“Especially WordPress Kyle.” she smiles, “We discussed this. You agreed it was for the best.” My head drops, in meek acknowledgement. “You see that?” she asks, gesturing, with a nod, towards the large glass pane to my right.
“The window?” I ask.
“Through that.” she urges
“Outside?”
“Yes, Kyle. Outside.”
In the background I hear a choir singing. The tune is Desmond Dekker’s Israelites, the words are:

Me wek up in da mornin,
wantin me ganja,
me got me rocket
but me not got me rizla
oooh,ooooh-

Then I realise what’s going on… and wake up.


Thank you

I’m not going to be around as much for the next few months. I have found a new book deal, and as a ‘so called writer’ I have to go with it. Its a dull technical tome on how to program smart-phones, much like my last book. It will contain no erections or wet pussies or orgasms (although I will try to sneak one or two past my editors) and will be as dry as hell to write, but it will mean that I can still continue to put food on my table using the words in my head. There is a certain irony to this deal – ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I can barely operate my own smart-phone, and I am the world’s worst ever DrawSomething player.

“Writing is about the only profession where nobody is surprised that you make absolutely no money”

Someone.

I would much rather be here, banging away at the keyboard with one hand, and my cock with the other, and I will still try to post at least daily. I have had a wonderful few months here and have enjoyed your company more than I can say.

I am currently in the process of knocking out the book outline and negotiating a contract that won’t leave me poorer than when I started, so I should be around for a bit.

Thank you everybody who has commented and liked and followed or just even read my ramblings. I love you all and have jacked off to every one of your comments and gravatar pics – although I’m not certain that that is a good definition of love.

yours

~ k )


Community

the idea of community has completely changed in recent years. it has nothing to do with geography any more.

i have dear friends on other continents and we share friends on others still. some of us have never met and may never meet. some of us haven’t seen in each other in decades, but i am part of a community on fartbook and wordpress and it is real. i have made such wonderful friends online. we small talk and gossip about each other. we even fall out at times. the human spirit shines through social networks. we share movies and music and jokes, our happinesses and our sadnesses, our pains and pleasures, our losses and gains. we spend hours and hours together. i love farcebook. I love wordpress. i love skype, and i love you. all.

i met a friend from australia the other week, we had only known each other through facebook. we got on like old pals.

my mom doesn’t do the internet, she says that my online lover is probably an 87 year old, one legged, fat man from bolton, masquerading as a beautiful woman. i hope she’s right.


A few of the superheroes I’ve become.

The Amazing Procrastinator

The Incredible Never Washes Up Man

The Mighty Masurbator

The Awesome Can Never Find His Glasses Man

Playstation Boy

Super Watched The Wire Eight And A Half Times Man

The Daring Loves His Phone More Than His Mom Man

The Outlandish Pornography Woman

The Amazing Forgets To Water The Plants Boy

The Incredible Shrinking Dick

The Mighty Sarcasm Man

Whenever I can’t think of something to write I just pinch an idea from someone good. Thanks Mike

 

 


When we die

when we die
our web presence will remain
like ghosts.
technology will allow us to animate our spirits
from beyond the grave,
they will continue to interact with the living
uploaded to the cloud,
we will be digital angels
when we die.

Every second 1.8 people die. There are around 500,000,000 Farcebook users. That means in the time it takes you to read this post eight of them will have died, four of them will have been logged in at the time. There are over 70,000,000 WordPress bloggers. One of them will have died while you were reading this. I bet you wish you hadn’t read it now, don’t you?


A Sunday haiku showdown

Earlier in the week, the wonderful tales of a charm city chick responded to a haiku I had written, in the comments section, with another haiku. I thought it was such a clever and brilliant idea that I thought I’d have a go at it myself. The result was this wonderful to and fro between me and the fantastic Reality in Progress:

from the love I have
through the pain I will embrace
to the life I want

i love this poem
it is so very clever
please write another

my body was weak
replying was put on hold
i had to get food

i understand you
we all need some nourishment
it was worth the wait

happily admit
this poetry geekery
is making me laugh

it makes me laugh too
poetry can be such fun
and good for the soul

who would have known that
until experiencing
expression in short

i find it a thrill
to squeeze my words so tightly
into such a form

i really agree
maybe the future will be
one-word poetry

i like that idea
let me have a go at it
here is my word – poem

truly love your word
for me another one though
‘love’ my word will be

your word is so sweet
and i find myself thinking
our words are the same

maybe all words are
same reflection of a truth
we find in all hearts.


Know your ABCs…

I saw this post and it gave me this idea:

Asshole at times,
Beautiful at others.
Cranky now and then but a
Dreamer always.

Extrovert mostly,
Fucktard occasionally,
Googles himself regularly and
Hurtful when in pain.

Idealistic to a fault, the
Joker of the pack.
Kyle –
Likes to think he’s a lover not a fighter –
Mew.

Naughty like the best,
Optimist with the rest,
Poor of pocket and
Questioning of everything, but
Rich with friends.

Slut when he can be and
Toasted when he shouldn’t be.
Undervalued by himself, a
Victorious loser.

Wanker for ever,
Xylophone player never,
Yesterday’s hero? who knows?
Zeds? maybe? but when he’s dead.