Karl: How do I get her back mate?
Me: I don’t know.
Karl: Yeah you do.
Me: Why did she dump you?
Karl: I was too sympathetic.
Karl: Yeah, I was just trying to stop her crying.
Me: Okay, how?
Karl: She was crying and I said “Stop crying bitch, I can’t hear the telly.”
Me: Right. Maybe it was the way you phrased it?. Why was she crying?
Karl: Because I tried to understand her love of animals.
Me: Go on.
Karl: I just said “You like the fucking cat so much, you scrape it off the road.”
Me: You’re all heart mate.
Karl: I know! So go on, how do I get her back?
Me: Try being really nice to everyone you meet.
Karl: How will that help?
Me: It won’t, but maybe in the next life, you won’t come back as you.