Posts tagged “breakups

My ribs still ache from the punch I got for this

Karl: How do I get her back mate?
Me: I don’t know.
Karl: Yeah you do.
Me: Why did she dump you?
Karl: I was too sympathetic.
Me: What?!
Karl: Yeah, I was just trying to stop her crying.
Me: Okay, how?
Karl: She was crying and I said “Stop crying bitch, I can’t hear the telly.”
Me: Right. Maybe it was the way you phrased it?. Why was she crying?
Karl: Because I tried to understand her love of animals.
Me: Go on.
Karl: I just said “You like the fucking cat so much, you scrape it off the road.”
Me: You’re all heart mate.
Karl: I know! So go on, how do I get her back?
Me: Try being really nice to everyone you meet.
Karl: How will that help?
Me: It won’t, but maybe in the next life, you won’t come back as you.

Pictures of my dick

u leaving me?!!!
Monday, 11:46 PM

wot bit of *we are thru* didnt u get?
Monday, 11:47 PM

if u leave me ill post pics of ur dick all over the internet!!!
Monday, 11:47 PM

u cant!
Monday, 11:47 PM

try n stop me! the whole world will see how tiny it is LOL!!!
Monday, 11:49 PM

no i mean i knew u wud do that – im 1 step ahead of u – i posted 100s of pics of my dick on the internet last nite! hahahaha fuk u!
Monday, 11:50 PM

Thanks to Snarkysnatch for the idea.