Posts tagged “cats


i seem to have acquired a cat. it just turned up at the back door, in the rain, looking like it needed something. i don’t know how operate a cat, so i gave it some food, some tuna and some milk and some carrots. cats don’t like carrots.

now it seems to have moved in and is asleep on the bed. i have decided to call it “fuck off” as that seems to be what it answers to. its full name is “fuck off i’m trying to masturbate.” that will make for an interesting trip to the vet’s.

The sun has got his hat on?

The sun has got his hat on.
Now that’s a fucking stupid idea,
What would the sun need a hat for?
To avoid sunstroke?
Or in case it rained?

Who let the cat out of the bag?
Well who bloody put it there?
You shouldn’t put cats in bags
In the first place,
That’s just not nice.

nifty noets society

The first butterfly of spring

Today I saw the first butterfly of spring,
It was small and white  and fragile,
The tiniest little thing.

My cat saw the first butterfly of spring.
It was small and white and fragile,
The tastiest little thing.

Why are the beautiful ones always crazy?

There is this woman down the street from me. She is gorgeous. She has the sweetest, salt and pepper hair and an accent like the queen’s, but she is crazy. She picks up litter. Not just in our street, I’ve seen her doing it on the main drag, and she steals cats. She has about fifty of them, all trapped in her house. She has an ass though that looks like it should taste of strawberry ice-cream.