Posts tagged “Christianity

Please Jesus will you just fuck off

Her: Hello Sir.
Me: Hello.
Her: Thank you for answering the door. We are here to tell you some fantastic news.
Me: Is this about religion?
Her: No Sir, this is about Jesus.
Me: That’s not religion then?
Her: No Sir, we have great news for you.
Me: Have I won the lottery?
Her: Better than that Sir.
Me: Have I won two lotteries?
Her: Have you read the bible?
Me: Yes.
Her: So you are a believer then?
Me: Of course not, I’ve read the bible.
Her: Jesus died for you sins Sir.
Me: Did he? I better commit a few more of them then, make it worth his while.
Her: This is not a joking matter Sir, He really did.
Me: I wasn’t joking. Now, if you don’t mind, I was  busy masturbating just then-
Her: Thank you for time Sir. Have a nice day.


The king is dead – long live the king

Jesus walked on water – we walked on the moon
Jesus cured 73 lepers – we wiped out smallpox
fuck god, he’s small fry compared to the might and beauty that is homo sapiens
LONG LIVE THE APE!