Posts tagged “Evolution

Fancied a rant

I will get back to proper erotica and story telling soon but right now I fancied a good old fashioned rant about shit.

we are what we are and what we are is apes – ask any professional, any cunt that knows anything about human beings, like a shrink or a therapist, they’ll tell you. ooh, that’s just denial or projection or whatever.

look at me? i’ve got a laptop and central heating and a guitar and an electric piano. I’ve got a a yukka plant in my fucking living room thanks to central heating and a playstation that has little universes that can just be plugged into it, i got shelves full of books and a laptop that contains more knowledge than any man can ever know. i’ve got a glow in the dark plastic tarantula that took ten weeks to build and a teddy bear called Denis Bearkamp (i never take my teddy bear to bed with me, ok?) i’ve had girlfriends on the other side of the planet and a bamboo shelving system that could collapse any second and i would throw it away if it didn’t look so cool. I have a thousand books and a thousand music CDs, i have hundreds of DVDs but i am still an ape, i wank like one, i eat like one, i look at the opposite sex like one and i enjoy life like one. stop looking for the spiritual meaning for life, the true meaning of life lies within the animal. grunt, fart, howl, throw your shit around and masturbate in public, panting and screaming, as a sign of your disapproval. sure, do it online, throw your shit at someone on another continent block that bitch from Zimbabwe or New Zealand but never, ever forget that you are an ape and be proud of that – its our heritage, our history, our roots – oooo eeee aaaa – repeat after me ooooo eeeee aaaa. learn it remember it, never, ever forget it.

Future history

“Quiet please children.” says the museum tour guide gathering their attention. “Now although we laugh at them today”, she continues, “human beings were nevertheless the first species on our planet to build civilisations.”

Some of children snicker at this: they’ve seen pictures of humans and their hovels.

“What happened to them?” asks one child.

“Was it a giant meteorite?” another wants to know.

“Or a terrible plague?” offers yet another eager face.

“Not exactly.” the guide explains, “The human civilisations thrived for thousands of years, they built giant towers, wrote magnificent books and even sent men into space.” She clears her throat. The children look up at her. “Then”, she continues, “they invented the internet and became the first and only species in history to masturbate themselves into extinction.”