i don’t normally do the the personal diary type post. when i’m feeling some shit i try to turn it into a story and blog that but fuck that today. fuck it all today. today has been difficult and i’m not even sure why. today an old lady in my street died, but that’s not why i’ve spent half the day crying, my tears have been far more selfish. people die in this street all the time, and she was a terrible old racist, and we hardly ever spoke. i wasn’t hurt to hear she had died (sorry) i was miffed that i didn’t know. i’m the one on this street that everybody comes to, that they all talk to, or so i thought. my ego was pissed, i guess.
i never type directly into wordpress but i am now, i always go notepad, then word, then wp. today a friend told me to fuck off. i hadn’t know her long but it hurt. she blocked me on facebook and i don’t know why and that hurts too. today life feels hard.
it all just hurts today, life hurts today. today i am a mess. this is not my usual state of being. usually i am strong and smiley but today i just want to cry and am. and now the light bulb in my room went pop and i can’t change it because it is dark so i can’t see to change it. is that what they call irony? right now my laptop is my only light. you are my only light. today is horrible and i want it to fuck off and be tomorrow or yesterday. today i can’t write no more.
Today is beautiful.
The temperature is minus ridiculous degrees (Centigrade not Fahrenheit).
The sky is crystal and the wind bites like a shoal of starved piranhas.
A daytime half-moon hangs like a ghost in the sky.
People hunch themselves up against the cold,
but it is the wrong approach;
you should open yourself up to it,
draw your shoulders back and lift your head.
It is only weather.
It was on a day like this exactly five years ago that my wife left me for my best friend.
I still miss him.