Facials
I’ve been wondering something of late: why is it that men like to come on women’s faces so much? Now, don’t get me wrong, I like to splatter a platter along with the rest, but a lot of women I know do not find the idea quite as alluring, and even offering to lick it off is rarely met with a response of “Ooh, yes please!”
So, purely in the interest of science, I decided to conduct a little experiment and give myself a facial and now that I have, I think I can see why a gobfull of goo is not actually very sexy, not when you are on the receiving end, not to mention that getting it in your eye stings like buggery (not that I know what buggery feels like, in case your reading this Mum). Now, nothing makes this dick droop more than a look of disgust on a gal’s face. So why are we (men) so keen to give you (women) a covering of cum?
At first I thought it was symbolic thing, like men wanting to have big dicks, a sign of our fertility, or something, but I don’t think that’s it. Sadly I think its nothing that poetic, I think its more like a dog marking its territory, a kind of ownership thing, and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, although that may just be my own semen.
Not only is it possessive and therefore degrading to women, I think it is even darker than that. This whole facial thing is perpetuated by the porn industry, which is directed mostly at men (even if their squirting squigglies are directed at women) and it encourages men, particularly those of an impressionable age, to see women as objects and so plays along with the whole ‘rape culture’ that porn so often seems to revel in. So think twice guys next time before you jiz in her viz, try my little experiment and find out what it feels like first.
RIP
My laptop died today. She had been ill for sometime but this morning at 11:38 she passed peacefully away. She was four and a half years old (which is 127 in laptop years).
She was Windows Vista and we didn’t always get along, sometimes she infuriated me. She could be a bit slow and wasn’t always very bright but I loved her. All my friends lived inside her. The woman I love lived inside her.
She had a wonderfully non-judgemental character. There were images and videos on her hard drive that would make a porn star blush, but she never uttered a word.
She will be dearly missed. Well, until I get a new one tomorrow.
she wasn't really an apple, i just put a sticker on her so i could look like a real dick
A right filthy fucker, that God!
Okay, so I’m in this hotel last night and for some reason the cable’s not working. Now, I’ve got a boner that you could hammer nails with, and I need to find something to bust my load to. I rummage around a bit to see if someone’s left a magazine or photo of their wife behind or something, and all I can find is this book called ‘The Bible’. Now, I’ve heard of it before and was kind of thinking that it wouldn’t be much cop as jerk off material, but fuck, I was wrong.
This whole book is full of the raunchiest, most depraved shit I’ve ever read. There’s incest and virgin raping and all sorts. Really, they should put a warning on the cover, what if some kid were to get hold of a copy? Doesn’t bare thinking about.
This God fella, I tell you, he’s a right filthy fucker. Clearly gay, but I don’t mind a bit of that and any port in a storm, eh? He moons this guy Moses (Exodus 33:17-23) and fondles this other guy Jacob’s balls (Genesis 32:25). And the things some of his buddies get up to, its fucking debauched, I tell you. This one bloke, right, Lot, his name is, has drunken sex, in a cave, with two of his own daughters (Genesis 19:30-36) and this other geezer, Jacob, fucks his own sisters and his handmaid in this awesome MFFF foursome (Genesis 29: 21-28).
My favourite bit though was when this guy, Judah, fucks his own daughter-in-law thinking she is a whore (Genesis 38:15-16).
Its not all depravity mind, some of it is quite educational, and has some handy tips on masturbation (Judah 38:8-10).
I tell you, this book is fucking hot and I’m gonna take a copy with me whenever I’m away from home. My only criticism would be that this God bloke clearly doesn’t like women and I don’t like all that misogynistic stuff: no place for it these days, and I skipped all the virgin raping and the bit where he cuts off this chick’s hand for touching some guy’s cock.
All in all though, The Bible has gotta be some of the best porn who’s pages I have gotten all sticky. Seriously, get a copy. Just make sure your children don’t find it.
kyle mew 