Posts tagged “Relationships


er… just curious, but how many boyfriends have you had before me?

it doesn’t matter, now is what counts

a lot then?

four actually

that’s okay, i’ve only slept with four women too




you’ve slept with guys that weren’t you boyfriend?

its not illegal

i know… how many? i won’t be judgemental… we should be honest with each other



you said we should be honest with each other

yes, but you’re supposed to halve the actual number to spare my feelings

er… i did

thanks to bearded ladies for the idea

Ever get the feeling that your girlfriend is mad at you?

Be happy? F*ck that!

Today someone sent me this delightful video clip:

I wrote down all the points.
be happy – show up – follow your heart – find a new perspective – have a sense of wonder – find people you love – set goals – help others – dance – pamper yourself – face your fears – go to a museum – exercise – limit television – get in touch with nature – lighten up – get a good night’s sleep – read books – buy yourself flowers – don’t compare yourself with others – don’t beat yourself up – be open to new ideas – don’t focus on negative thoughts – focus on creating what you desire – make time just to have fun – keep the romance in your life – make a gratitude list – love your mother earth – want what you have – be true to yourself

It all sounds very nice, particularly set to Pasquale Catalano’s Cuore di sabbia (Heart of Sand) but when you think about it; if you ever met someone that did all those things and had all those qualities… they’d be an unbearable dickhead.

The future of love

It is the year 2132 and in a quiet suburban classroom a teacher gves an old lecture to some new students. “A hundred years ago”, she explains “people used to think that being in love was perfectly normal, in fact, society even celebrated it and held ceremonies called ‘marriages’ in its honour”. She writes some of these words on the board, to emphasise them and the children giggle and whisper amongst themselves at words like ‘love’ and ‘marriage’. Love is such a ridiculous concept in the 22nd century. The teacher drones on about how love clouded the judgement of those caught in its grasp, about how it deluded those that it consumed and about how, today, drugs were put in the water supply to prevent such afflictions, how, today, everyone could be free of such nonsense. Danny looks across at Suzie, he thinks she is sweet, he should probably tell someone about how he is feeling, it cannot possibly be normal. She looks back at him and smiles. “In the past”, explains the teacher, “people would decide who they wanted to spend their lives with, based on their feelings.” the class erupts with laughter at this. He sends her a txt, “i<3u”, knowing full well he could be expelled for such an act. She sends one back, “u2x”, something happens in his pants that he is certain he should report to the school nurse. “Romance needs to be calculated to be productive,” explains the teacher, and the class nod in undivided agreement. “Imagine,” says the teacher, “if everyone just went off with someone because they thought they fancied them.” Everyone smiles and nods again, except for Danny and Suzie, who are just looking at each other. He wants to press his mouth against hers without understanding why and despite what he has learnt in hygiene class. He wants to press his mouth against far less hygienic parts of her than her mouth. Later he tries to explain all this to the nurse. She is old and kind and very sweet, she explains the solution to his troubles, it is called castration, it is a very simple procedure and she can perform it now if he agrees. She smiles, he smiles back and nods.