i’ve got this pedometer app on my phone. its really cool and tells me how far i’ve walked. i guess it works by measuring the up/down motion of each step, i’ve never really given it much thought. until today.
as i was about to go out for a jog, i checked that the app was on. it drains the battery, so i often switch it off if i know i’m settled for the evening. it was on, and in fact it said that i’d walked 3,247 paces already today. now, this was impossible. i’d only been out of bed for 20 minutes and had walked no further than the loo and the kitchen. 3,247 paces is almost two miles.
i checked the times of this supposed jaunt, only to discover that it had happened before i’d even got out of bed. then, it hit me. when i’d woken up, after listening to the news, i’d checked my phone and read my mail. a sweet and sexy friend of mine had sent me some pictures of herself, and i had spent some considerable time ‘enjoying’ them. it would seem that my trusted app is not so accurate when it comes to measuring up/down motions as i thought it was.
now i’m left wondering how many 20 minute wanks have been logged as two-mile jogs. maybe that explains why i’m putting on weight.
Hey! I’m featured on WordPress’s Topics page, under the topic of Masturbation! I’m also featured on their Flash Fiction page. So I’m a wanker and a flasher. Proudest day of this blogger’s life. *sheds tear*
It seems I am already inspiring others to write about what a wanker I can be, like Rebekkah. Thank you Rebekkah
If you are wondering what I was doing typing ‘masturbation’ into the search field of WP’s Topics page, then this is clearly the first time you’ve visited my blog.
Do you know know what I like to think about when I masturbate?