Posts tagged “Women


I like my coffee
Like I like my women.
Strong, hot and wet.

I don’t care
If my coffee is black or white,
Just as long as it is tasty.

I can’t stand
Instant coffee.
I find it sad

That so many
Of my fellow Brits
Drink that shit.

I like to use my plunger,
Or at least my peculator,
But then,

I’m nuts about my coffee.
It took me years to find my favorite

I just can’t figure

With over two terabytes of hard core porn on my hard drive, I just can’t figure out why this is simply the most beautiful image I have ever seen.

Will someone please explain this shit to me?

I like to watch him shave

I do,
I like to watch him shave.
I like how he uses his clippers,
not a blade
and I like how much care he takes.
I like the faces he pulls
as he reaches every part of his chin,
the way he sticks his tongue into his lips and cheeks.
Don’t tell him,
but it turns me on.
I like that he cares.
I like that it matters to him.
I like how he knows his own face,
how he knows its contours.
I wish  he’d wash his fucking feet sometimes though.

Six things to avoid on a first date

This was inspired by something I read on the wonderful Tales of a Charm City Chick.

Six things to avoid on a first date

(that have happened to me on a first date…all within the last six months)

  1. Falling asleep: for some reason this is not looked kindly upon. You might think you are just demonstrating how comfortable you feel in her prescence, but trust me, it doesn’t work. I once woke up to find my date had left! How rude is that?
  2. Proposing: again, this doesn’t seen to float a woman’s boat. I thought women liked romance. Wait until the second date would be my advice, not that I’ve ever actually had a second date.
  3. Crying uncontrollably throughout the entire evening: I thought that women liked to see a man’s sensitive side but I have failed to get my dick sucked on many occasion due to this.
  4. Laughing uncontrollably throughout the entire evening: this one is not always a disaster but try to make sure that you don’t point at her when you are laughing.
  5. Asking her if she has any hot sisters: not sure why this is often responded to with “Cheque please!” Asking her if she has any hot brothers seems to have a similar effect. The same rule can also be applied to mothers, daughters and grandmothers and particularly to pets and/or livestock.
  6. Telling her that you have been masturbating over her Farcebook profile pictures: I thought that was flattering but apparently not, not even if you provide proof by showing her the video of you doing it.

So there you have it guys. The foolproof guide to not getting your face slapped. Who knows, maybe one day one of us will get to go on that elusive second date.

Fuck International Women’s Day!

Now, before you click ‘unfollow’ or start to hurl abuse, hear me out.

Isn’t there something wrong with our societies if we need to remind ourselves to celebrate our respect, appreciation and love of women, and then, only for a single bloody day? Aren’t women’s economic, political and social achievements something we should celebrate every day?

Only in a man’s world would there be such a thing as a women’s day.

I think this century will belong to women, I think it should, I hope it does, and all those that follow. If this carries on being a man’s world for much longer, then we are fucked. We have had our go and we have literally cocked things up. We live on a planet that is dying and where the threat of terrorism and nuclear armageddon loom over us like retarded demons. Our economies are falling apart, leaving a wake of poverty and misery and all because of nothing more than pointless macho competitiveness and greed. Wake up and smell the pollution boys, its time for someone else to take the wheel.

Women make better bosses, they understand people better and as a result make better politicians (except for the witch Thatcher, may she rot in hell). Its about time women had a go at running the world, there would be fewer wars, I’m sure, and the place would probably smell a whole lot nicer, and maybe science would be less about exploring outer space and more about solving the problems we have here on Mother Earth (note how we never call it Father Earth).

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a man, I adore it, and in any kind of world, I would have it no other way, but its true what they say, ‘men never grow up’, our toys just get more expensive. Maybe that’s what I love about being a man, I don’t know, I just think a women’s world would be a better, kinder, more understanding place than this man’s one.

Some of you will of course say that the responsibility for our planet should be shared equally, but I don’t agree. For me there is one compelling argument why women should take the reins of our ailing planet: it would mean that me, and other men, would be able to spend a lot more time playing with our dicks and our playstations.

Sorry for ranting, not normally my thing, normal smutty pointlessness will be resumed as soon as possible, and BTW thanks to JS for reminding me.

I want to make things and break things


This century will belong to women

It struck me today, a rather sad little conclusion… men are not very good at a lot of things. We are good at beating our chests and scaring off demons, but that is about it. You got a demon you want scaring off?  Call a bloke.

This century will belong to women, at least I hope it will. There will be fewer wars and fewer unnecessary deaths. Men have had their time, and in my opinion, have done a good job of it all but now it should be the girl’s turn. In my experience, women make better bosses than men, they understand people better.

to becontinued…