The entire city of London, it would seem, has become obsessed by the Olympics. Now, while I’m delighted by team GB’s successes, I gotta admit that I have been more absorbed by an alternative sporting event, the Cunnilympics, which is held every four years in the Twat and Merkin pub, down the Old Bent Road. Like the original Ancient Greek version, Cunnilympic events are performed naked, although, unlike the originals, they consist mostly of contestants performing athletic, and sometimes dangerous, sexual acts. There are parallel bar events and ring events and several kinds of marathon. There are sprints and shooting and a very interesting variation on weight lifting, and this year synchronised masturbation was included in this venerable (venereal surely: ED) sporting line up. The Cunnilympic version of the pole vault is probably the most dangerous event and, after table tennis, was always my favourite, until this year that is, when I was able to get tickets to the men’s relay final and the heavyweight cock wrestling.
Four teams of strapping, naked and erect young men, from America, Russia, Great Britain and China, stand in the centre of the arena, in front of an audience of mostly women and gay men and wait for the starting gun, all of them stiff and twitching in anticipation. The idea of the competition is for each athlete to grasp their neighbour’s ‘baton’ and bring them to orgasm, at which point the neighbour grabs his neighbour’s cock and so on until all four contestants have come, the first team to have all their athletes blow their loads, being declared the winners.
The instant the starting pistol fires, four powerful hands grasp four pulsing pricks and start furiously pumping them up and down. The Chinese get off to a flying start with How Hee Cum squirting a thick streak of jiz over the back of the Russian reigning champion, Boris Jerkov in just under 20 seconds. Next to come is the American Mark Spurtz, who, despite his nine inch member has been training hard for up to eight hours a day, and as he comes into his partners face he shouts “God bless America!” and turns expertly to grab Joe Spunks twitching prick. The British are in a close third place and catching up fast as Bradley Cummings lighting fast fist coaxes several hot, thick squirts of cum from Robin Bellend’s tiny but potent shaft. Then disaster strikes as Paul Bollokov slips in a puddle of Karl Kumova’s semen and drops his baton, earning the Russians instant disqualification. After one minute forty-eight seconds the Americans and Chinese are neck, and neck and Cum So Fa and Dick Seaman start to shoot their goo together. Its going to take a careful examination of the slo-motion replay to decide this one, and as they both grunt and jerk their way to conclusion and glory, the crowd cheer “Come on Britian!” and they do.
Still sticky with sweat and each other’s juces, the team captains mount the podium, erect with pride, as the queen herself hangs their medals on their throbbing members. The crowd go wild and get ready for the heavyweight cock wrestling, where two amazingly well endowed athletes will clash cocks until one of them becomes flaccid.
You stand, backlit by a street lamp, in the doorway of a bar, taking in the heavy scent of liquor and testosterone, your eyes darting greedily across the scene before you. You need a man. Two dozen or so, line an L-shaped counter, forming a cacophony of rattling laughter and glass. Almost immediately you spot three likely candidates, and having visited two bars already without luck, you are growing impatient. Almost randomly you pick the tall, tattooed guy, with carefully messed-up black hair and a Guinness. Using his savage but delicate body art as a way to open the conversation, it takes you just over three minutes for you to get to the point; does he want to fuck you? The twitch in his pants makes his eagerness evident, and you are impressed with the cool composure of his response. “Sure, why not?” he barely smiles as he pays his tab and slings a battered leather jacket over his shoulder.
“My husband will be watching,” you tell him as you both make your way to the door, “that okay?”
“Fine by me,” he shrugs, “as long as I don’t have to touch his cock.”
“Don’t worry fella,” you reassure him with a smile, “the only thing you’ll be touching, is me.”
I feel my erection begin to grow, the moment I hear you both enter the house, and by the time you walk into the bedroom I am at full mast. He looks bemused but not phased as he stares at me, tied firmly to the wooden chair, with two dozen leather straps, unable to even wriggle, black ball gag in my mouth. He glances down briefly at my twitching member and then turns to you and you kiss. Almost frantically, you undress each other, tasting each other’s bare flesh hungrily as it becomes exposed, and once naked, he throws you roughly onto the bed and buries his head between your legs. You have been wet all night and your thighs glisten as he begins to lap thirstily at you, his fingers digging into your butt, your hips pushing fiercely into his face.
You turn your head to look straight at me, letting me see the pleasure on your face, telling me how good it feels and how good he is. My cock throbs with desire, in time to the animal thrusting of your hips, drawing desperate moans from deep within me, echoing those that you and he are making. I can tell how close to orgasm you are by how hard your fingers claw at the soft cotton beneath you. Just as you are about to explode, you push him back and, panting wildly, tell him to fuck you.
He has a strong, proud shaft, thick and pulsating, veins standing out like vines climbing a great tree trunk, and I wonder how it is that you always manage to find guys with such big dicks. You gasp so loud, as he enters you, that it is almost a scream, and you tell me just how big he is and how powerful and how wonderful it feels getting fucked so hard by him. Jealousy mingles with excitement in my blood, making my mind swim and my soul fizz. In between cries of pleasure and heavy breaths, you whisper something to him. I know what it is you are saying and my aching cock bounces in anticipation.
Your orgasm crashes into you like great ocean waves battering a deserted shore, washing over you, drowning your senses, bursting into you and through you in a series of long hard shudders and spasms. Just as you asked, he pulls out as he comes and long, thick streaks of cum shoot hotly and repeatedly over your glorious, quivering breasts.
Still trembling with the aftermath of your orgasm, you climb off the bed, stagger over to me and remove the gag. We kiss and you tell me that you love me. He is impressive and already stiff again. Glancing over your shoulder, you see this and bend over in readiness, steadying yourself with your hands on my shoulders. He stands behind you and holds your hips, the tip of his rock hard prick stroking up and down between your butt cheeks, making you giggle. His cock is still drenched with both your juices and your barely wince as he drives his full length up your ass. As he builds up speed and force, you press your dripping breasts into my face, and I lick and swallow and rub my face into your tits, tasting him, covering my face with him. He reaches round and starts to rub ferociously at your clit, pounding you harder and harder, my chair rocking dangerously back and forth, and as you both come, you push back into him lifting your head, so that you can see my cum splattered face. As he bursts into you with a series of loud grunts, I ask you to touch me but you just pant and smile and wink at me.
After he pulls out you kneel and kiss me, your mouth open, his taste on your lips, his smell filling your nostrils, and by the time you stop, the stranger already has his clothes on and is headed for the door. You see him out and I hear you take a shower, and when you come back in, you are dressed and have your coat. “Where are you going?” I ask.
“Thought I’d go find me another.” you smile, giving my cock a little slap and almost making me come.
you climb onto the bed and get on all fours. i kneel behind you and slip my stiff cock up between your wet thighs letting it rub up against your dripping pussy, rocking back and forth so that the tip caresses your engorged, hot clit, wetting it with your juices.
you draw in breath sharply as i plunge my full length deep into you and you push yourself back fiercely onto me making sure that you feel every inch. i reach around and start to rub your clit as i fuck you slowly and fully. you reach down, over my hand so you can feel my throbbing cock slipping wetly in and out of you. as we fuck faster and harder and our moans grow loud and desperate with our increasing pleasure, i push your head down into the soft cotton, flicking hard at your twitching clit. you growl with joy and spit dirty words at me and i gasp your name.
as we start to come, you pull me out of you and slap my soaking cock up against the length of your, now boiling, pussy, holding it there and rubbing your dripping clit up and down it. my cum squirts thickly through your fingers and over your belly and breasts and your orgasm shakes your ass and thighs and i can feel every shudder of your pleasure with my pulsating member.
after, we collapse into a sticky, panting, heap of trembling limbs and lips.
my words dribble stickily – over your soul – like my thick cum on your tits
my words drown you – making you wet – like your dripping cunt in my face
my words plunge fiercely – making you gag – like my hard prick down your throat
my words shoot thickly – into your mind – like my hot cum deep inside you
Elsie is a little old lady who lives alone in a large house. To help with her meagre pension, she has taken in a lodger. He is a handsome young writer and, being a writer, he never earns any money and rarely has enough to pay his rent. There are however other ways, he has discovered, that he can pay of his arrears.
Elsie knocks on his door and asks if would mind coming through to the sitting room. He knows what she means by this, what she wants him to do, and he undresses and walks through to join her. He stands in the doorway, more than a little surprised to see that Elsie has a small gathering of her friends around. They sit around a table with a delicate lace table cloth sipping Earl Grey tea and nibbling politely on buttered scones. “Come on,” smiles Elsie, “you know what to do.”
“W-w-what?”, he stuttered, “in front of, in front of’ your-”
” My friends? Yes. Unless you have three months rent with you. ” Elsie answers, spreading some quince jelly neatly on her scone.
He crosses the room and kneels down, facing them. He does a lot of yoga and has a very supple back, he also has a very large cock. Little old eyes widen as he makes himself erect and then, holding the base of his shaft between his finger and thumb, he leans forward and takes over half of his quivering cock into his own mouth. As he begins to pump his head swiftly up and down over his glistening member, there are polite giggles and the occasional ‘Oh my!’ and “Goodness!’ from around the tea table. Giggles turn to chuckles and gasps as they see and hear him begin to come. “Well I must say,this is much better than afternoon telly, dear.” one old lady remarks to Elsie, as they listen to him gulp and watch his thick white cum cascade down his still throbbing cock and squirt from his nostrils.
“Oh this is just the start, dear.” grins Elsie, and, as he kneels up, his face and cock a dripping, creamy mess, she opens a drawer in the antique Welsh dresser, her granny had left her, and pulls out a 14 inch long, 3 inch thick, solid silver dildo and hands it to him.
He knows what to do…
its a hot day and the ice cream cone is melting, little drips fall onto your bare breasts and belly and you scriggle and try to grab the cone from me. i laugh and pin you on your back letting little drips of chilling vanilla ice cream drip onto your hot pussy. you jump and gasp as each one lands, and you snatch the cone from me and plonk the whole thing onto my erect cock, causing me to shriek and my cock to thrash wildly, cold white rivers of ice running slowly down its length over my length and balls making my whole body convulse.
you get onto all fours and start to lick at the thick, cold cream, mouthfuls of the sticky goo sliding in long gulps down your throat. the white chocolate sauce is not hot any more but it is still very warm and my cock pulses with the contrast of temperatures as you pour it in trickles over its tip, watching it dribble and gush slowly down my cock.
you take me into your mouth and purr and hum, sending delightful vibrations through me, pressing your tongue and lips against my throbbing member, tasting first the hot sweet sauce and then the saltiness of my cum as it sprays the back of your throat and dribbles from your lips and down your chin and neck as I moan and pant and tremble with delight.
we lay back and hold each other and kiss and lick the last remains of ice cream and sauce and cum from each other, and then we hear the ice cream truck jingle outside again. “fancy another?” i ask you…
To kiss your lips,
hot and red,
to stroke them
with my fingertips.
To see your mouth,
open an wet,
dripping with my cum.
To kiss your breasts,
soft and warm,
to stroke them
with my prick.
To see your tits,
open and wet,
dripping with my cum.
To kiss your clit,
throbbing and hard,
to stroke it
with my tongue.
To see your pussy,
open and wet,
dripping with his cum.
thick within me.
hot into you.
deep from in me.
sticky from you.
hard, our minds.
I’ve been wondering something of late: why is it that men like to come on women’s faces so much? Now, don’t get me wrong, I like to splatter a platter along with the rest, but a lot of women I know do not find the idea quite as alluring, and even offering to lick it off is rarely met with a response of “Ooh, yes please!”
So, purely in the interest of science, I decided to conduct a little experiment and give myself a facial and now that I have, I think I can see why a gobfull of goo is not actually very sexy, not when you are on the receiving end, not to mention that getting it in your eye stings like buggery (not that I know what buggery feels like, in case your reading this Mum). Now, nothing makes this dick droop more than a look of disgust on a gal’s face. So why are we (men) so keen to give you (women) a covering of cum?
At first I thought it was symbolic thing, like men wanting to have big dicks, a sign of our fertility, or something, but I don’t think that’s it. Sadly I think its nothing that poetic, I think its more like a dog marking its territory, a kind of ownership thing, and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, although that may just be my own semen.
Not only is it possessive and therefore degrading to women, I think it is even darker than that. This whole facial thing is perpetuated by the porn industry, which is directed mostly at men (even if their squirting squigglies are directed at women) and it encourages men, particularly those of an impressionable age, to see women as objects and so plays along with the whole ‘rape culture’ that porn so often seems to revel in. So think twice guys next time before you jiz in her viz, try my little experiment and find out what it feels like first.
ok, so what’s your dirtiest fanstasy?
will you tell me yours?
you might be shocked.
i doubt it.
just a fantasy, yeah? not necessarily something i’d do?
ok… alright. It would involve a sea of men. all stood around me and i’d be kneeling. i’d have one fucking me and one in my mouth. all the others would be stood around and- and they’d all be sex starved, ok? so they’d be really gagging for it, they wouldn’t have had as much as a jack off for weeks, or months even, fuck it, years. am i shocking you?
no, i’m a little surprised but no, go on.
ok, well, as i said, i’d have one fucking me, one in my mouth and one in each hand, and all the others would be stood around, jerking off or jerking each other off or sucking each other off, and there would be cum everywhere, all over me and all over them. Everywhere I looked there would be big squirting dicks and i would be drenched in it and so would they and i’d have them lick it all off me and each other. ok. that’s pretty much it. what’s your dirtiest fantasy?
i was just gonna say i’d quite like to rub your cock between my tits actually.